Husbands Love Your Wives

by Quek Keng Khwang

Two essential ingredients needful for a successful marriage are, a woman’s submission to her husband in the Lord and a man’s commitment to sacrificially love his wife and provide for her everything he would for himself. Before the Fall, it was very natural for Adam to love his wife. In fact, a careful reading of Genesis 5:2 would reveal that Adam did not mind Eve to share his name—God “called their name Adam, in the day when they were created”—for there was this unblemished and consuming love for her.

But after the Fall, men are suppressing women, battering them down and turning them into commodities that satisfy their lust. Satan knew full well that marriage is always the foundation of right human relations. The home is the fabric of the church and society and the nation. But this foundation is constantly attacked by polygamy, adultery, homosexuality, fornication, incest, prostitution and other evil sexual sins.

A marriage would not be able to work well without the grace and power of God. As the head of the house, husbands are to be fully aware that they are never to allow the foundation of marriage and home be bulldozed by Satan. Husbands are to constantly check themselves against the authoritative Word of God on how to love their wives and their children.

The primary duty of the husband is to love his wife (cf. Gen 2:24; Gen 24:67; Deut 24:5; Prov 5:18-19; Eph 5:28; Col 3:19; 1 Peter 3:7). The husband’s love of his wife should never wane through time. It must remain steadfast and strong.

Paul’s instruction to husbands is summed up in the opening sentence of Ephesians 5:25; “Husbands, love your wives.” The word love is agapao, which means the strongest, the most intimate, and the most far-reaching love that a husband should have for his wife.  The husband is expected to be a leader but most important to be a lover. Both complement one another. A loving husband will elucidate a submissive wife. He is not commanded to rule his wife or subject his wife. He is to love his wife as Christ loves the church. Paul wanted husbands to have the qualities of love that Christ manifested for the Church. There are four qualities. 

LOVE YOUR WIFE SACRIFICIALLY

The love of Christ for the Church is a sacrificial love for “He gave Himself for it.” Christ descended from Heaven and divest of His shekinah glory to live as a man without sin and to undergo sufferings and bear the sin of the whole world.

He loves the church enough to die. Such sacrificial love is to characterize the love of a husband for his wife. Such is the commitment and the length, breadth and depth of love a husband must have for his wife. No matter how tiring after a hard day’s work, husbands are to give that self-sacrificial love for their wives. Sitting down and communicating with their wives, relating ordinary or extraordinary events in the office, not criticizing her for not keeping the house tidy, offering to clean up the kids’ diapers, running errands for the family or bringing the whole family out for desserts or a stroll at the park would make the wife feel valued and appreciated.  

LOVE YOUR WIFE WITH A PURIFYING LOVE

Ephesians 5:26,27 exhorted husbands to love their wives to the extent that the wives’ purity should be their supreme concern. Husbands are to do everything in their power to maintain the wives’ virtue, purity and holiness. Love must always seek to purify. He would never do anything that would lead her or provoke her to sin. Husbands should never allow themselves to tell dirty jokes or to watch obscene tapes. They are to admonish wives who under dress or have hemlines too far above their knees. Fashion should never be at the expense of godliness and purity which God demands. 

LOVE YOUR WIFE WITH A CARING LOVE

In Ephesians 5:28, husbands are to meet their wives’ needs. Husbands are God’s agents to meet them. The husband is always the provider, the protector and the preserver. He is to care for his wife like he cares for his own body. He is to be sensitive and not too engrossed with his work or business ventures. He is to make sure that his wife feels loved and appreciated. Besides fulfilling the conjugal relationship, simple gestures of appreciation would be much appreciated like buying the wife a small gift or flowers. The husband is to care not only for his wife’s physical needs but also her spiritual needs. He is to nourish his wife spiritually in daily devotions together, encouraging her with God’s Word and building her up in the faith. 

LOVE YOUR WIFE WITH AN UNBREAKABLE LOVE

According to Ephesians 5:31, the husband’s love for the wife is to be unbreakable; for the husband and wife are members of Christ’s body which is indivisible. The husband and wife are to become one flesh. They are to cleave to one another. They are not to let external factors to ruin their marriage. Only till death do they part. To have an unbreakable love, there must be forgiveness. The husband must follow the example of Christ, that he will be willing to forgive 70 times 7 times and be willing be the first one to initiate the apology even when he thinks he is right. A husband who is willing to forgive releases his hurt and anger.  

CONCLUSION

The husband has no excuse to God that he does not love his wife anymore. He cannot tell God, “I have decided to stop loving my wife.” This is total disobedience to God. We must love our wives as Christ love the Church and gave Himself up for it.