Behaviour Modification

Behaviour modification is a term that everyone has heard of but few can put into practice.  The biggest single factor preventing its effective use is emotional involvement.  We love our children.  Long before the child arrives, we build up a fantasy of what our child will be like and what we will be like as parents.

At about 18 months to 2 years of the child’s life we are confronted by a non-conforming child.  The child in reality is establishing his own identity (often loudly) and flexing his muscles (throwing temper tantrums).

Parenting is not just about loving and physical caring – it is also about shaping the child into

1. a person who will fit into the family
2. a person who can take his/her place in society.

Therefore, parenting is about discipline. However, discipline should never be oppressive and crushing but rather, that of setting limits.

Children who engage in behavioural outbursts are often seeking limits.  A child sometimes feels uneasy and UNLOVED if the parent is not prepared to take some action.

Points to understand:

1. Each child is an individual – treat them accordingly.  One method of discipline may not work for all children.

2. Be flexible – allow “shades of grey”.  If the issue is relatively unimportant, occasionally, allow the child to have a win.   An example is the choice of clothes.

3. Decide and define what the problem is.  A behavioural problem can be defined as something that is
- disruptive to the child
- disruptive to the family

Occasional temper tantrums would not fall into this definition

1. Having identified the problem – it often helps to step ‘outside it’.  BE Objective!  Do not rely on impressions,  instead record observations –

- Time and duration of behavioural outburst.
- Preceding event
– the trigger incident.
- What happened after it?

2. Look for other causes, e.g. birth of a baby, loss of a family member through death or separation, moving house, etc.

3. If you still believe it warrants your attention, you then have to decide –

- Do you have the energy and time to bring about the change?
- Can you be consistent?

4. Generally – nice things (positive reinforcers such as stickers or any stuff that the child particularly likes as well as praises) will increase a behavioural response (toileting/ ‘good’ behaviour etc.).

5. Avoid paying attention (yelling, smacking, nagging are still attention) to the disruptive behaviour, instead focus on appropriate behaviour.   However, do tell the child what is the expected behaviour.  He can’t know what is required if he has never been told.

Ignoring behaviours, (please note: not those potentially unsafe to child or another), is sometimes the most powerful tool a parent can use.

1. Go back to the diary – how often and how long is the child engaging in disruptive behaviours?  Perhaps, all the child wants is just some quality time (uninterrupted individual devotion).  Most children get by on their own if they are given 20 minutes of undivided, individual, quality time!

2. Finally – don’t say something if you don’t mean it – if you’ve said it – act on it.  Constantly ‘threatening’ to take action and not acting on it means the child will learn very quickly to disregard what you say.

Written by Luci Webb - An occupational therapist specializing in children with developmental behavioural emotional problems to help us meet the needs of these children.