As the world had celebrated Mother’s day last month and next Sunday Father’s day will be celebrated, it is time to reflect whether as parents, we are discharging our responsibilities to raise our children in the fear and knowledge of God. We know for sure that our children are brought into the covenant relationship with God. According to His covenantal promise in Genesis 17:7, God spoke to Abraham of His promise to him and to his children, "I will establish my covenant between me and thee and thy seed after thee in their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be a God unto thee, and to thy seed after thee." In the words of Charles Hodge:

"In the sight of God parents and children are one. The former are the authorized representatives of the latter; they act for them; they contract obligations in their name. In all cases, therefore, when parents enter into covenant with God, they bring their children with them….And so, when a believer adopts the covenant of grace, he brings his children within that covenant, in the sense that God promises to give them, in His own good time, all the benefits of redemption provided they do not renounce their baptismal engagement." (Systematic Theology, vol. 3, p. 555).

At every infant baptism, the believing parent is questioned with this, "Do you promise to the best of your ability to bring up the child in the nurture and knowledge of the truth in Christ Jesus?" It is the duty of parents to make use of all means at their disposal to faithfully fulfill this promise. John Calvin said "We consider that immediately from birth God takes and acknowledges them as his children, so we feel a strong stimulus to instruct them in an earnest fear of God and observance of the law" (Institutes of the Christian Religion IV:16:32).

Let no parents be misled to entertain this lie that since our children have received the sign of the covenant through infant baptism they are thereby children of God and are heirs to the covenant of grace. There are many instances when children who are baptized as infants and raised within the church come to years of maturity, but inevitably some of them wandered away into the glittering attractions of the world. Consequently, they renounce their "baptismal engagement." It is indeed a heartbreaking experience of the parents and God’s church that there are many that have wandered away. Eli knew this sorrow (1 Sam 2), as did Samuel (1 Sam 8) and David when he wept so bitterly at the death of Absalom (2 Sam 19:4).

In God’s Covenant, He gave us children with the intention that we would give these children back to Him. As parents we acknowledge that our children belong to the Lord. We are deeply charged by God with the souls of our children. In God’s Word we read, "And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up." (Deut 6:6-7 cf: Psalm 78:5; Prov 22:6)

Parents are to take heed that we do not lose the honour and reverence that is due to us from our children. It is certain that, by the will of God, and even by the law of nature, there is an honour and inward reverence of heart due from the child to his parents. They are the means and instrument of the children’s being. Therefore, there must be careful maintenance of this authority and preeminence that God has given to parents.

But parents wittingly or unwittingly lose this authority and reverence when they become frivolous in their lives in not living in accordance with God’s Word and His will and failing to honour and fear Him with earnestness. Hence, their honour and authority in the hearts of their children begin to dissipate, leading to the provocation of their children to wrath (Eph 6:4). It is observable that the true fear of God will gain reverence and esteem to a man, even in the hearts of unbelievers, for example, in Mark 6:20, king Herod feared John the baptist, knowing that he was a godly man. If parents fear and honour God in their hearts, and express it in their whole conduct, their children must honour them and not despise them. Conversely, if children see their parents as irreligious and inconsistent in their obedience to God’s commandments, how can they honour them? God’s warning to parents can be found in 1 Samuel 2:30, "they that despise Me shall be lightly esteemed."

Some of the ways where children are provoked to anger by their parents’ conduct—

1) Exhibiting unreasonable severity and harshness of treatment without tempering their authority with parental affection and kindness.

2) Failing to trust and believe in their words will create resentment.

3) Comparing among your children and his friends can destroy a child.

4) Pushing a child for achievement so hard in order to fulfill the dreams that parents were unable to accomplish in their lifetime will devastate them.

5) Provoking a child by always discouraging him, withholding approval and only telling him what is wrong with him.

6) Making your child feel like he is a burden to you and a cause for your failure in your career.

7) Failure to be there to share your life together with your children. Your role as parents in the family is displaced by the focus in your career.

8) Not taming your tongue when you speak to your children, tearing them down with caustic or sarcastic remarks that you would not dare to spew out to your colleagues at work.

Parents must not fail to keep their children in awe when they are young. It is their God ordained responsibility to correct them when they err from God’s biblical injunctions. Parents will not want to fall into the tragic plight of king David when he lost his honour in the heart of his son, Adonijah in 1 Kings 1:6 "And his father had not displeased him at any time in saying, Why hast thou done so? and he also was a very goodly man."

The hearts of mankind (including children) are totally depraved (Jer 17:9). As parents, their hope is to weaken and destroy this corruption in their children’s heart. They must take heed to what Solomon says in Proverbs 13:24, "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. (cf. Prov 10:13).

The Lord is Himself our parenting model. As our heavenly Father who loves his children exceedingly more than any of us can love ours He takes this course with His children as evidenced in Deuteronomy 8:5, "Thou shalt also consider in thine heart, that, as a man chasteneth his son, so the LORD thy God chasteneth thee." This parental model is reiterated in Hebrews 12:6-7 "For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not."

So parents are to use means to reform the wayward child not only by counsel, instruction, and reproof, but also by correction and chastisement. Never entertain the thought that it is an expression of parental love to refrain from beating one’s precious child. God says forthrightly that sparing the rod is hatred! (Prov 13:4). Never delay or postpone the correction when you see your child willfully transgresses your instruction and God’s revealed holy laws. At that moment of discipline, explanation for the necessity of correction must be told to the child. The latter must know and reiterate (if he is able to speak) the reason why he was corrected. This process will definitely help him see the light of his wrongdoing. Wailing is inevitable but never let it be a hindrance to parental discipline. "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying." (Prov 19:18)

By the world’s standards, corporal punishment is outdated, barbaric and cruel. However, let God’s standards reign in the parents’ hearts. The Word of God says, "Withold not correction from thy child, for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die" (Prov 23:13). He will die and he will perish, if you do not correct him! And are you not cruel if you will not do what you can to keep your child from perishing? "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." (Prov 22:15) But then we may excuse every child’s fault as nothing and inconsequential. Are their stubbornness, lying, cursing, swearing and profanity nothing in the eyes of the Lord? The Lord judged Eli for not restraining his children who were called in 1 Sam 2:12 as "sons of Belial," "for I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not (1 Sam 3:13). Let parents take heed to God’s Word in Prov 23:13: "Thou shalt beat him with the rod and deliver his soul from hell."

Will using the rod cause children to hate their parents? Parents are to take heart that God’s method is not only divine but the best for parents. He knows the little children better than we do. Little children will not hate their parents when the rod is used because God says so,"Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest, yea, he shall give delight unto they soul." If parents on the contrary would not take heed to God’s promise then the consequence would be described in Prov 29:15, "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame." The child will grow up to bring you shame.

The instruction of God’s truth to children is charged to parents by God to teach their children as any minister is to teach his flock. God has appointed parents and sanctified them to instruct and reproof children in order to weaken the children’s corruption of nature. Such instruction and reproof will also prepare their hearts and make them malleable for the Potter to work on them and make them more capable of grace. "The living, the living, he shall praise thee, as I do this day: the father to the children shall make known thy truth" (Isa 38:19).

There are four ways to make God’s truth known to children—

1. Teach them soon to know God. Teach them to know what is good and what is evil. Catechize them with a few of the first and easiest principles of the Christian faith while they are very young or as soon as they show any capacity of understanding. Parents are to see to it that their children should be taught early the important truths of God’s Word. They should know that there is a God; that salvation belongs to Him and that it is He alone who saves sinners by His precious blood; that all should come to Jesus with repentance and be saved from eternal damnation. Solomon said that when he was young and tender, his father taught him God’s truths (Prov 4:3-4).

2. Acquaint them with the practice of religion, like reading the Word, prayer, singing of hymns, psalms and spiritual songs and giving thanks at their mealtimes. We find in Matthew 21:15 that the little children had learned from their parents to sing "Hosanna" which is part of Psalm 118, to the praise of Christ. Parents should endeavour to restrain their children from evil and to nurture in them a consciousness of sin even while they are very young. In Prov. 6:23 God’s Word says, "For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life." Without instruction, correction will do little good.

3. Bring them to the public worship of God in Church even while they are very young so that they may be acquainted with God’s worship and ordinances soon. An example can be found in what Moses told Pharaoh in Exodus 10:9 that the Israelites must have their little ones with them for the solemn worship they were to do unto God in the wilderness, and Moses would not accept freedom for all the rest of the Israelites, unless they might have their little children with them.

4. Examine your children as to how they profit spiritually by the means of grace. It is pertinent that parents revise what the children have learnt during worship and Sunday School and the lessons be made applicable in their lives. You must test them as to how they understand what they hear. Repeat it and make it plainer to them, and in repeating it, apply it also. Moses required the people in Deut 6:7 to teach that to their children which they heard from him.

It is neither the church nor the secular schools that are responsible for providing for the spiritual nurture of children, but parents. A family that prays together stays together. It is a time of building cohesiveness in the bond of Christ’s love. It serves to instill in the children the conviction that Christ must be the focal point of Christian family relations. The singing of hymns, praying and the sharing of God’s Word and the heartfelt sharing among family members will build a museum of positive family memories. Family worship is the greatest privilege granted by divine grace. Parents are encouraged to log into our Family Resource webpage for resources to aid you in family worship http://www.lifebpc.com/family/

However, it is dismal to see parents, and especially the fathers who are the spiritual head of the house that God has ordained, neglecting this divine privilege. The excuses they make are:

1) "I have no time and my secular business would suffer by family religion." But were you created for this world only? What is your time given to you for? And have you no time for what is the great business of your lives? Let us not live with jumbled priorities but put God first and have eternity’s values in view.

2) "I have no ability to pray, I am too ignorant." But if you have a proper sense of your wants, this plea would not hinder you. We have not ever heard a beggar however ignorant, unable to make his request of his needs.

3) "I do not know how to begin it." Ask the Lord for wisdom and grace. Begin by informing your household that you will be setting aside a portion of time on certain nights to gather the family together to read a portion of Scripture, singing of hymns, praying and sharing among one another.

4) "My family will not be interested." How do you know? Have you tried? Are you not master of your own family? Exert that authority in this which you claim in other cases.