Mother's Day Thanksgiving from .... a Mother!
by Mrs Tan Poh Yok

Well, Mother’s Day is here again! It’s time to celebrate motherhood, buy presents for our beloved mothers, show our appreciation, go for a big ‘makan’,….. 

But what are we really celebrating? What is motherhood? Only mothers will know – the joys and the heartaches, the pride and the pain, the hopes and the worries. 

As a mother of two girls, one turning 20 and the other 16, I have been through much with them. As a mother, you will realize soon enough that time does not stand still for you. So much happen in their lives that you kind of ‘roller ball’ on with them.  

My career took a different turn when my elder daughter turned 2 years old. I wanted a job where I could spend time with my daughter, where I could watch her grow up, accompany her through her trials, share her joys – I didn’t want to miss out on anything in her life. The Lord granted me my wish and provided me a job in a church kindergarten. It was a double blessing – my daughter could attend the kindergarten while I worked and at the same time, she had the wonderful experience of growing up within a church environment. This has indeed blessed her life and has empowered her to be faithful and focused in her Christian life. I thank the Lord for the provision of a job that is wonderfully enriching to me as a person and a mother. Much of the knowledge and experiences that I have garnered are practical and beneficial not only in my job but also in my capacity as a mother. 

My two girls are worlds apart in all ways – emotionally, physically, socially – but praise the Lord, they are in one accord when it comes to serving and worshipping the Lord Jesus. Being so very different means that they go through entirely different experiences as they journey through their young lives. The trials and worries that a mother go through, as she watches her children go through life’s journey with wobbly steps, testing the grounds and testing their faith as well, cannot be described. The joy and pride in watching them mature and grow in their faith, cannot be expressed. There is much to thank the Lord for. 

So, what is the ultimate goal of motherhood? To have obedient children? To ensure that our children do well in their studies? To provide for our children in all ways? To help them lead a rich and successful life? I think not. As an educator and a mother, I see the mother’s influence in the lives of her children in four stages. 

The first three to four years is a period of nurturing and provision. The young child, being unable to take care of herself, has a great need for security and love which the mother provides through this period of bonding. 

Then we have the period of teaching and guiding. The young child is now ready to fledge its wings to try new things, to demand for autonomy, to do things for herself. It is at this crucial period that values need to be imparted, manners need to be taught. It is at this period that the child is open to your instructions and teaching. As mothers, we see ourselves as the ‘provider of all things’ – our child depends on us for all things. We do everything for them! Not true. This is where we can go wrong in our parenting. We need to learn the art of ‘transferring of responsibility’. We need to let them make mistakes and teach them about facing consequences. We should not be responsible for our children’s actions, we need to teach them to be responsible for their own actions and decisions.  

The third stage, usually the years approaching puberty, is a period of testing the grounds! This is the time where they put into practice what they have learnt previously. This is a very crucial period of finding acceptance and fitting into the world they live in. Without proper values, without strong foundations in their faith, it will be a very trying time of trial and error. This is the period when they do not want to kiss and hug you anymore. The time when everything is ‘childish’ and ‘juvenile’. For mothers, this is a time of practicing patience, love and understanding. Of building trust and providing a listening ear when needed. Of not judging and condemning them for mistakes made. Of being there for them, encouraging and prodding them back to the right path.  

The final stage is the teenage years. Mothers of teenagers have been known to tear their hair and go around ‘zombie’ like after being through battles they have with their children. The teenage years are the most beautiful time to enjoy your children. It is like the caterpillar blooming into a butterfly. What do you see in your teenager? Half a child or half an adult? That will determine how you manage them and relate to them. 

As a mother, we all want the best for our children. We want to provide the best for them. We think that they cannot do without us. Some years back, during Prayer Meeting, I heard one of our elders talk about his life without a father. He talked about the daunting task his mother had in providing for her four children. But what struck me most in his sharing was his assurance and testimony that the Lord is our Greatest Provider. He shared about how the Lord was always there for him. How can we earthly parents supersede our Greatest Provider?  

From that day on, I made a resolution to teach my children to be self-sufficient and to rely on the Lord. My constant words to my two girls are that their love for God must be far greater than their love for their parents. Their fear of the wrath of God must be far greater than their fear of disappointing their parents. They have been reminded time and again that our lives are in God’s Hands and He can take us (parents) away to be with Him anytime. But they have the assurance that even without us around, they can still continue their journey in life and live meaningful Christian lives because the Lord Jesus Christ lives in us through eternity.  

The Lord Jesus is the one that our children should look to for directions and assurance. Then and only then, will they be able to take hold of their own lives and lead lives that are pleasing and acceptable unto the Lord.  

So what is the ultimate goal of motherhood? For me, it is in nurturing my two girls in the Christian faith and so that one day they can dedicate their lives fully to serve our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. May all praise and glory be to our Lord. Amen. 

“Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her the fruit of her hand; and let her own works praise her in the gates.” Amen.

Proverbs 31:30, 31 

Mummy Dearest