The Turmoil of a Tumour, the Triumph of Trust… in GOD
(By Elder and Mrs Sherman Ong Eng Lam)

I

"As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried (proved): he is a buckler to all those that trust in him. " (Psalm 18:30)

Several well-meaning friends had always pointed out to us that Sandra walks with a slight bent. Her gait had increasingly become awkward and certainly not what one would expect of a normal nine-year old. Recently, however, we noted that her physical development has also been affected – her right half of her body seems to be weaker than her left half of the body. Knowing that Sandra is left-handed, and if the compensation for her right by her left is so intense, something must be wrong. It was along this line of thoughts that we brought her to an orthopedic – to check the curvature of her spine.

A flurry of medical appointments

In the early part of this year, we had one referral to another – from orthopedic to neurologist; from the taking of X-rays to brain scans. Even then, there was no clear indication of what was wrong with her. The last resort was an MRI on the neck region, which as parents, we were not very keen to subject her to. God allowed us to decide to go ahead with the MRI. It was from there that we found, to our horror, a whole mass of tumour growing within her spinal canal, impinging on her spinal cord. That was the cause of her poor development.

The doctor was certain that she needed an operation soon to rectify the problem. If the tumour – which turned out to be lipoma - was to be left in the spinal canal – it will eventually leave her paralysed. The proposed solution was an operation on her cervical region – from below the brain stem to probably the 5^th vertebrae. It was a high-risk operation. Any mistake could also mean severing the nerves and hastening the paralysis.

II

To operate or not to operate?

"When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: When thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee." Isaiah 43:2

It was a very difficult decision to make. We cannot imagine what it was like to subject our Sandra to such a major operation. At the back of our minds was the fear that she may end up paralysed or worse – we may even lose her. We prayed for wisdom.

I remembered I was so troubled and said to Lam, "If only Elder Khoo was around…he’s still in Vancouver right? If he is around, I’m sure he could enlighten us… " Within my heart, I even entertained the hope that he would be around and accompanied us to the crucial appointment with the pediatric neuro-surgeon and helped us through this difficult time of decision-making. We both thought he would only return to Singapore in May.

I remembered agonizing and praying over this matter at the end of the Good Friday night service. I prayed and trusted that God knew what it was like to subject your own child through such agonizing pains… Surely God knew exactly how we felt especially when Christ went through such a painful death on the cross. After my heartfelt prayer, I saw Lam walked in with Elder Khoo! It was like an answered prayer. Elder Khoo was back from Vancouver! Quickly, we shared with Elder Khoo and his first response was to go with us to the doctor’s appointment the next day. We didn’t even have to ask. Elder Khoo simply offered. Surely, God must have known what we needed even before we uttered our prayers.

III

After the doctor’s thorough explanation on the operation and the risks involved, we all realized that the best option was to go ahead with the operation. Elder Khoo concurred with us. We just needed to trust that God, who loves Sandra, and will surely care for her as well. After arriving at the decision, we knew we only had to trust the Lord.

The operation was to be scheduled immediately after her mid-year examination. In the meantime, we wanted things to be as normal for her as possible.

Those weeks before the operation were so painful. Often we were overcome by fears of what might happen to her.

It was during this very period that my one-year childcare leave came to an end. I had to return to work. Many of my friends must have wondered at the wisdom of my returning to work. With Sandra’s impending operation – shouldn’t I be spending more time with her at home? But God’s timing couldn’t have been better. Spending the day at work unwittingly helped me not to be overcome by worries or fears. Every night, Lam and I would pray before the Lord for His mercies. We shared our fears, our desires for Sandra to be safe throughout the operation…we learnt to commit our daughter to Him. It was so difficult. If Lam were traveling (on his business trips) and away from home, I would cry every night to the Lord. It was then that I realized His mercies in getting me back to work… it would have been detrimental for me to stay at home and to spend all my waking moments in tears and in fears.

Sandra – on the other hand, had not shed a single tear for herself. She was busy studying for her exams.

IV

Mother’s Day and a Pop-Up Card

Then came Mother’s Day. She made a pop-up card for mom. She chose the verse, "My times are in thy hand…(Psalm 31:15)" It was such a painful reminder that her times are in His hand. Is God telling me something? I decided to ask her why she chose that verse.

Her answer: I saw the booklet of verses that Aunty Audrey gave you – (she smiled with a twinkle in her eye) – I chose that verse because it was the shortest!

Audrey and I had been in the Ladies Bible Study. We were studying on trials and temptations. Those verses were compiled in a booklet by her and given to me. Both Lam and I drew tremendous amount of comfort from those verses. Sandra’s unwitting choice of that verse was a timely reminder for us to trust in God.

V

It was after some time that we felt that we could share with more friends, that we finally opened up and asked for prayers for Sandra. At first, we told our friends not to talk to Sandra about it. The least we wanted was for her to suspect that her operation was so serious and for her to start worrying.

Many of our friends would call to assure us of their prayer support. We receive emails, and cards of encouragement. One of the sisters from the Ladies Bible Study sent us a card assuring us of her constant support and prayers for us. She also mentioned in the card that she will not talk to Sandra about it but she had a little card for Sandra as well. It was a little card with some activity for her to do. We gave Sandra her card and after finishing the activity she insisted that she would like to post the card back to the aunty for her to mark. I went upstairs to get a blank envelope. I also left the card meant for Lam and myself on the table.

Sandra saw the card, and read it.

Later, that evening, Sandra casually mentioned that she read our card. She did not know then it was solely meant for us. Anyway, she confessed that she had read it. In a matter-of-fact manner, she mentioned, "Why doesn’t Aunty want to talk to me about the operation?"

We realized that she was taking the idea of the operation better than us. In her childlike way, she voiced her only concern, "I wonder if anyone will come and visit me?" We assured her that we would be there for her.

As the day drew nearer, we tried to bring her to her favourite places. We knew she so badly wanted to swim at the pool, and play with the water slides at Raffles Town Club. We brought her there and she had a great time. But our hearts were heavy because we were not sure when she would be able to jump and play in the pool again after the operation.

Sandra & Daddy

VI

Serving God is a Privilege.

Increasingly, as the day of the operation drew nearer, it became harder to hold back our tears as we gave way to our fears. We were going to admit Sandra to K.K. Hospital after the Sunday service. It so happened on that Sunday, Lam had to teach the Sunday School and chair the second service. I was also rostered to teach in the Kindy Class at the Children’s Ministry.

That Sunday, I learnt a very precious lesson. Serving God is a privilege – not because He needs us but because we need Him! Both Lam and I were kept so busy that we had no time to shed any tear for ourselves. We were busy serving Him and He was busy looking after us.

"Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not." (Jeremiah 33:3)

Sandra was finally admitted to the hospital. Even on that day, many came to pray with us. Elder Khoo and Rev Seet were with us while waiting to admit her. Rev Tow and Rev Wong came and prayed for Sandra. So did many of the Session Members and church members, relatives and friends. We were humbly reminded to trust in the Great Physician.

That night, Lam stayed with Sandra in the hospital. She slept well and in no way did we detect any fear or anxiety on her part. It was us that we had to cope with. We had to be very careful that we did not relay our anxieties to her.

VII

Any parent who had sent their children to an operating theatre would be able to understand the mixed feelings we had – the hope that this would be the beginning of something better for Sandra – and the fear that the operation may result in some permanent damage.

As only one parent was allowed to accompany the child all the way into the operating theatre, Lam went in with Sandra. Right till the moment before she closed her eyes, as the general anesthesia took effect, Sandra was still her cheerful self. She also recited, Psalm 31:3: For thou art my rock and my fortress. Therefore for thy name sake- lead me and guide me - before she drifted into her deep sleep.

The operation was to last eight hours. God was the only one we could turn to. All that Lam said when he came out of the operating theatre was: "they injected this lemon-juice like liquid into her… and that was all …she was so silent after that… MY daughter – she was suddenly so silent…." It broke both our hearts and we cried to the Lord to be merciful to her. We only knew that God loves her more than we do. We told the Lord we wanted our daughter back. We asked Him to please restore her to us. We would have taken the place for her anytime. We would not mind being in her place to take the pains for her…but she was the one going through it after all. She’s only nine years old! We pleaded and prayed and cried before the throne of grace. We knew He would hear us.

But nothing could prepare us for the sight of her – after the operation. Eight hours later – she was wheeled out of the operating theatre and straight into the Intensive Care Unit. There were so many tubes on her. There were so many gadgets and machines around her. One was coming out from her throat – she needed assistance to breathe….her hands felt so cold….the cheerfulness of the previous night was replaced by a cheerless child; the liveliness in her was replaced by a practically lifeless child at the mercy of the machines around her. It was heart rending. We called her and she responded by trying to open her eyes. All we would do was to call her by name, hold her hands and gently stroke her, constantly praying for her and telling her we love her.

Our family members and several of our brothers and sisters – in –Christ – many of them were there for us. Dns Benny Chng and Joel Seah and their families spent many hours with us, encouraging us, looking after us. Beng Kiong, Heok Seng and Liuh, Charis…the list goes on and on… were there to encourage us. So many Lifers were with us as we struggled with Sandra’s recovery. Many more were praying for us. Rev and Mrs Tow and friends from Perth called us to assure us that they remembered Sandra in their prayers. Dn Pang, who was in the U.S. with his family, also called to express his cares and concern. Uncle Alan and Aunty Ching Ching together with their staff interceded for Sandra daily. We were sustained by the prayers of the brethren who lovingly remembered Sandra before the throne of grace.

VIII

The light at the end of the tunnel – or was it?

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:5&6).

From the initial feedback from the doctors, we realized that only a little of the lipoma (which we were told was actually brown fats) was removed. The nerve-ends were too closely inter-twined with the rest of the tumour – that to remove them would render Sandra paralysed. As much of the core of the lipoma that could be removed - was removed and this would give some relief to the spinal cord and gave it space to grow. On the brighter side, things should be better for Sandra. The fear, on the other hand, is the recurrence of the tumour….

Within the next few days, Sandra improved. To help relieve her pains, the nurse brought in a TV for her to view some programes. The fact that she told the nurse that she did not want to view Peter Pan (because it was in Chinese) and preferred to see Bugs Life (as it was in English) signaled to us that she was on the road to recovery.

Soon she moved to High-Dependency Ward. Her school friends – with their parents in tow – came to visit her. Their visit, their cards and their presents encouraged her. Her appetite improved but she still could not take her first step. It was under Aunty Juat Lan’s patient encouragment and Uncle Benny’s attractive prize of an ice cream that made her resolve to take her first step. The smiles were coming back. We thought the night had gone and dawn was coming.

IX

It was on the seventh day after the operation that the doctor discovered that the cerebro-spinal fluid (CSF) leaked from the surgical incision. She needed another operation on the same spot.

The idea of a second operation was devastating. We could not bear the thought of subjecting her to the same surgical procedure. The surgeon assured us that it would not be as extensive as the first. However, the operation was necessary.

Sandra went in for her second operation in eight days. Understanding the anxieties of the parents, Barbara came and sat with us through the agonsing wait. What was supposed to be a one-hour operation went on to two and almost three hours. Aunty Susan (Sandra’s Sunday School teacher) and her family came down to check on Sandra’s progress. Every step of our anxiety and fear, the brethren was there to hold our hands, to encourage us. They wept with us when we wept. They prayed with us when they knew above all else we needed God’s assuring peace.

It was with grateful hearts, when we saw Sandra regained consciousness and called for dad and mom. In fact she was in rather good spirits and quite alert.

X

"This Little Light of Mine, I’m Gonna Let It Shine!"

This time she was sent to the High Dependency Ward. There, she chatted with the nurses and even asked one of them to become a Christian. She even offered her a small Bible that she brought with her to the hospital. Later, this nurse came and told us that Sandra asked her to become a Christian. It was only then that we realized that Sandra tried to share the gospel merely hours after her second operation.

Subsequently, we never cease to be amazed at how much she loves the Lord. When her little friend, Mei Ann came and visited her and gave her tracts, she gave them to the nursing students who were attending to her. She only wanted to give to those whom she knew would read the tracts. Sometimes, a nurse would come and assist her and after the curtains have been pulled aside, Sandra would announce her findings – like: "Mom - she (pointing to the nurse) is a Catholic. I asked her to believe in Jesus!"

Gradually, she regained more strength. She was able to whine to get Aunty Charis to stay on longer with her in the hospital; she made it quite clear to all that she loved to eat Yami Yogurt and potato chips. Every morning at about 11.30 am she would look forward to Aunty Veronica’s spaghetti, lasagne, pizza and fish patties….

Still there was the threat of fever and infection. Many kids around her were discharged, but Sandra remained in the ward. One day she actually over estimated her own appetite – ate three frozen yogurt, two ice cream, one whole pizza, some porridge, one bag of butter rolls…and finally fell ill. She vomited and developed fever.

Our anxieties shot up high. In our ups and downs, our brethren, especially from Life Church, remained fervent in prayers. Daily we kept Rev. Seet posted via email so that our brethren could pray with us. Practical demonstration of Christian love were seen through the countless acts of love for Sandra. There was Mrs Han Soon Juan who came and soothed Sandra and comforted her for all the pains the drips were giving her. When Sandra was bored, Aunty Charis was there to cheer her up. There was Aunty Juat Lan who took her leave and spent her time just coaxing Sandra to drink more water. Aunty Chwee Eng was there to dote on her….The list goes on and on. Everyone that came brought a glow of joy to Sandra – and to think that before her admission, Sandra was wondering if anyone would visit her. She was inundated with her favourite Pooh bears and many other presents, to cheer her on.

Eventually, the fever subsided. But the fear of a third operation loomed.

XI

I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee (Hebrews 13:5)

Potentially, another leak of the CSF looked likely. But we all prayed that she would be spared from a third operation. God was merciful and eventually spared her from the operation.

XII

On the Road to Recovery

Nineteen days after she stepped into the KK Hospital, Sandra was finally discharged. She continued to bask in the loving care of grandma and grandpa. With good food and loving care, she was nursed back to good health.

The Road to Recovery seems to be long. With occupational therapy and physiotherapy sessions, our heartfelt prayer is for her to regain her basic psychomotor skills and to be independent.

We have learnt through it all that much as we love our daughter, Sandra, God loves her even more! We have also tasted of the love and support of the Christian brethren during the time when we felt most frail. Their testimony and support have also been a beacon of light for my unbelieving parents who loved Sandra dearly too. It is our prayers and Sandra’s too, that, one day, they would be able to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Sandra’s tumour had brought turmoil. It had also brought with it a triumphant trust in God – not because we could but because HE would help our unbelief, our doubts and our fears. It was also because of the intercession of so many brethren that our family was sustained by this very means of grace.

"But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold."
(Job 23:10)

If you would like to correspond with Elder and Mrs Ong Eng Lam, you can do so through the following email address selong@starhub.net.sg