(These chapters are taken from the book “Purity of Life” by Rev Dan Ebert III) 

1. THE PRINCIPLE OF MARRIAGE

A. The Basis Of Marriage

One of the areas in which the Christian life is most in danger today is that of the family. Satan knows that purity of life can be destroyed by attacking the home. In the next three chapters, we will consider several important principles related to this vital subject.

From the creation account we learn of the value of the marital relationship. God declared that it was not good for man to live alone (Gen 2:18). For this reason God created someone to stand by his side as he walked through life (Gen 2:21-22).

Among the animals there was none who could be a life companion to Adam. But when he saw the one God had created for him he immediately recognized the special relationship they would have.

And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man (Gen 2:23).

The expression, “you are my flesh and bones,” was often used in the Scripture to describe a close physical relationship of blood relatives. Laban spoke these words concerning Jacob who was his nephew, the son of his sister (Gen 29:13-14). The amazing truth of our oneness in Christ is also expressed in this way.

For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones (Eph 5:30).

This oneness would form the basis of marriage. Because they are one flesh, husband and wife belong to each other and to no one else. They would leave their parents’ rule and protection to form a new family.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Gen 2:24).

Parents who interfere in this new relationship of their children do so at great risk. Married children should still honor their parents, but the authority of the home and the special relationship rests with the new couple. This principle was clearly taught by the Lord while He ministered on earth. It is a principle of God from the beginning of creation.

But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder (Mark 10:6-9).

B. The Violation Of The Principle

After the fall, men quickly began to wander away from God. Lamech, a son of Cain, was not only the second murderer but also the first man of record who violated God’s principle of marriage by taking two wives.

And Lamech took unto him two wives: the name of the one was Adah, and the name of the other Zillah (Gen 4:19).

As man continued to wander away from God the world became progressively more wicked. Finally there was only one man, Noah, and his family that were righteous before God. It is interesting to note that Noah and his sons each had only one wife (Gen 7:7; 8:16; 1 Pet 3:20).

Whenever men begin to disobey the Lord’s order concerning marriage, trouble is sure to follow. Abraham and Sarah, unable to believe God’s promise violated His principle in having a child by Hagar, Sarah’s servant. Until this day the descendants of Abraham have been plagued by this act of disobedience (Gen 16:1,2).

The long list of men in the Old Testament whose lives and ministries were ruined by taking more than one wife is far too long to record here. No matter how brilliant or powerful a man might be, the temptation to break God’s principle of the sacredness of the marriage vows was always there. As a sign of their power and wealth, it was the custom of heathen kings to take many wives. But the Kings of Israel, God’s chosen people, were to show His righteousness by refusing to break His commands and by not following this custom (Deut 17:14, 17).

Solomon, king of Israel, was so brilliant that all the leaders of the earth came to seek his wisdom (1 Kings 10:24). Yet despite this great wisdom, Solomon sinned by taking many wives. As a result of this disobedience to God’s command, his kingdom was eventually lost.

But king Solomon loved many strange women, together with the daughter of Pharaoh, women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, and Hittites; Of the nations [concerning] which the Lord said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall not go in to them, neither shall they come in unto you: for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods: Solomon clave unto these in love. And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart (1 Kings 11:1-3).

C. Restating The Principle

During the Lord’s earthly ministry He often restated the principle of  marriage. He also reminded His listeners that the marriage relationship was meant to last for life. No one had the right to separate those who had been joined together in marriage (Mark 10:6-9).

The unbelieving religious leaders were always trying to catch the Lord violating some teaching of the Scripture. They asked him if it was all right for a man to get a divorce from his wife for whatever reason he choose. The Lord restated His teaching that God made marriage to be between one man and one woman and this union should not be broken.

And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder (Mt 19:4-6).

Hearing the Lord repeat the Old  Testament’s presentation of the sanctity of marriage, the Jews felt they had caught the Lord contradicting the Scripture. They asked why Moses had given a method of divorce. Jesus answered that this was done because of the hardness of the hearts of the Israelites. It was not what God had ordained from the beginning. It in no way negated God’s principle of a monogamous marriage for life. The Lord stated that only unfaithfulness on the part of a marriage partner was grounds for divorce.

They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery (Mt 19:7-9).

The Pharisees were referring to the rule set down in Deuteronomy 24:1. There are two important points to remember about this portion.

First, the bill of divorcement is not so much permission to get a divorce but regulating those who did so. In this Deuteronomy passage, a man who divorced a woman could not remarry her if she had been married to another. They had already entered into divorce, an act contrary to God’s purpose in marriage. The “bill of divorcement” merely regulated this act. Perhaps the custom of divorce was borrowed from the Egyptians while the Israelites lived there. At any rate it is nowhere in the Scripture further defined or permitted. This regulation would keep people from seeing divorce in some frivolous light. Thus the Lord would say it was given because of the hardness of men’s heart.

Second, we should consider this in light of an earlier portion of Scripture (Deut 22:13-21). It appears that this “Bill of Divorcement” could only be granted if it were proven that the wife had been immoral before marriage and hidden that fact from her husband-to-be. As had often happened, this very strict law having to do with morality had been twisted by the religious leaders. They were evidently teaching that a man could give his wife a bill of divorcement for any reason he pleased. The regulation never allowed for this.

D. The Christian Marriage

From the beginning, God ordained that one man and one woman should be joined together in marriage. At that point those two would become one, leaving their parents and forming a new family. Now, under the New Covenant, God reveals wonderful truths that will enable husbands and wives to live together in peace, mutually benefiting each other, and testifying to the relationship they have with God through His saving grace. The duties and relationship of the husband and the wife are clearly defined in the Scripture.

1. The Husband

Love - The first duty of the husband is to love his wife. This love is to be complete, transcending all else. It is a love that shows patience and gentleness, and puts the needs of the wife ahead of the needs of the husband. There is only one place where we can find an example of such unselfish all consuming love. That is the love that our Lord showed for the church.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (Eph 5:25).

The church is the body of Christ and is loved unendingly by him. In this same way the husband should love his wife as if she were his own body. Even as a man loves and cares for himself he should in the same way love and care for his wife. Such a love finds no place for selfishness or unreasonable demands, no place for impatience or unkindness. We find none of these things in the love that Christ has for us, and this is the example for husbands to follow.

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: (Eph 5:28-29).

Understanding - The husband is responsible to understand his wife. He should come to know her intimately, being concerned about her needs. He should know her weaknesses, not in order to criticize, but to help and strengthen.

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered (1 Pet 3:7).

The Lord Jesus Christ knows us intimately. Although He is God, in His unfathomable love he went through all the experiences and difficulties of human life. Understanding our weaknesses, He is now in heaven as a loving and sympathizing Lord. Husbands are therefore challenged to learn their wives’ weaknesses. Then following the example of Christ, they might sympathize and help in time of need (Heb 4:15).

Leadership - The husband is to be the leader in the marriage relationship. In light of the previous Scriptures we know it is not to be a stubborn, hard, inconsiderate leadership. The husband’s leadership is patterned after that of Christ over the Church. It is a gentle leading by the hand, comforting, encouraging, understanding leadership. It is not hard to follow, but a joyous relationship founded on undying love and affection.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body (Eph 5:23).

2. The Wife

Submission - Often we find the principles of the Scripture in direct confrontation with the trends of the world. In this present day of the so-called ‘women’s liberation movement” we find the subject of submission directly in contrast with popular teaching. Nonetheless our Creator knows what the human heart needs to be at peace and find contentment. The Lord is a God of order and is opposed to that which destroys the peace of His people (1 Cor 14:32). He has set order in the home based on His relationship to the church. When this order is followed there is peace, joy, and a lasting marriage. Those who disobey God’s truth in favor of modern ideas do so at great risk.

God’s order is for Christian women to be submissive to their husbands. This is a relationship which brings love and care, even as the church submits to the Lord’s loving care. It is also that action which is proper before God and brings blessing (Eph 5:22; Col 3:18).

Lest the position of the woman seem less fulfilling or valuable before God than that of the man, we must remind ourselves that in God’s sight this is not so. The husband and wife belong equally to each other. There is not a sense of one possessing the other but a mutual love and sense of belonging each to the other (1 Cor 7:3-4).

A good and virtuous wife is a “crown,” that is, she gives strength to her husband, while a wife whose actions are shameful can destroy him. This is the reason a man cannot be qualified to be a leader in the church unless he has the strengthening factor of a godly wife.

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones (Prov 12:4).

A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; (1 Tim 3:2).

Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things (1 Tim 3:11).

Care for the Home - It is the duty of a wife to care for the home and the children. In recent times this biblical injunction has been seen by some as demeaning and less than fulfilling. Juvenile delinquency and broken marriages have grown in direct proportion to the refusal to accept God’s instructions in this matter. The path of true fulfillment in marriage, as in other areas of life lies in obedience to the instructions of our Creator. To disobey the Lord in this important matter can cause His Word to be ridiculed (Titus 2:3, 4).

3. Husband And Wife Together

The relationship of husband and wife, as described in the Scripture, is not just physical but spiritual. When both husband and wife take their place in the marriage as directed by God, their fellowship with the Lord is good. If either partner in a marriage disobeys God concerning their position and responsibilities, the prayer life of the couple can be hindered.

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered (1 Pet 3: 1-7).

E. Conclusion

God has ordained from the beginning that when a man and a woman marry they become one. This marriage is to last as long as both partners live. When entered into in obedience before God, it provides a sound basis for the family and the raising of children. It forms a peaceful caring relationship that acts as shelter from the troubles of the world. The Scriptural principles of marriage, laid down by the unchanging Lord, are as perfect today as when they were given. Might every Christian refuse the enticements of modern trends and carefully obey the Scripture that God might bless and make each couple a blessing.

2. THE PRINCIPLE OF THE FAMILY

In our study of the beginning of the family in the previous chapter two important Scriptural points stood out. Both love and submission were an intricate part of the marriage relationship. An example for these two important factors was shown in the Christian’s relationship with God. The husband’s love for his wife was patterned after the Lord’s love for the Church. The wife’s sense of submission was patterned after the Christian’s submission to the Lord. The husband is able to accept this submission with a proper attitude because he recognizes his own submission to God.

As we look now at the relationship of the children to their parents, we see these same two principles laid down by the Scripture. If these godly principles of the family relationship are not followed the peace, joy, and security of the family unit is lost.

A. The Family in the Old Testament

1. Respect for Parents

The submission of children to their parents is another principle that has been understood since the beginning. Isaac’s unquestioning obedience to his father Abraham has often been noted. This obedience enabled Abraham to follow God’s instructions. Isaac was old enough to have refused to be bound and placed on the alter. But he honored his father with his obedience. He also shared his father’s faith that God would provide a sacrifice.

And Abraham said, My son, God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt offering: so they went both of them together. And they came to the place which God had told him of; and Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood (Gen 22:8-9).

Isaac taught his son Jacob the lesson of obedience that he had learned from his parents. We see in the lives of these men the importance of parents clearly teaching their children proper behavior. In his early years Jacob did not always act properly. However, he did learn the lesson of obedience. He obeyed his father and mother in the important matter of choosing a wife.

And that Jacob obeyed his father and his mother, and was gone to Padanaram; (Gen28:7).

In the Law of Moses the importance of respecting and obeying parents, is emphasized. It is the first commandment with promise (Eph 6:2). Obedient children are always a blessing. Christian children who learn obedience to parents also understand obedience to God. This brings the kind of tranquillity to one’s life that would prolong it.

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee (Ex 20:12).

If children truly honor their parents, they will have respect for their position and authority.  Following the Lord’s instructions concerning these things strengthens the family and brings great blessing.

My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck (Prov 1:8-9).

We would do well to notice that children who honor their parents do not take advantage of them. Children who do not provide for their parent in their sickness or old age bring shame and disgrace upon themselves (Prov 28:24; 19:26).

2. Duties of Parents

It is part of the parents’ responsibility to give instructions to their children.  The truth of God’s Word is to be passed from generation to generation though the parents’ teaching. We also notice that this truth must be taught not only by word but also by example.

Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons’ sons (Deut 4:9).

A difficult part of raising children is the need to discipline them when they disobey. The Lord taught us that it is part of love to discipline. Because it is based on love, the Lord’s discipline is never unreasonable nor impossible to bear. Parents should discipline their children in this manner as well (Prov 13:12).

However, discipline is never pleasant. It is not meant to be. The purpose is to convince the disobedient of the error of their ways. An undisciplined child becomes spoiled. They bring shame on their parents and, what is worse, shame on the Lord and His people. However, Christian discipline is always given in love and meant to correct, not damage. It is never done in anger or because of a lost temper (Prov 3:12).

B. The Family in the New Testament

1. Respect for Parents

God’s moral law, as taught throughout the Old Testament, is repeated in the New Testament. The Lord castigated the religious leaders for their hypocrisy which made a mockery of God’s holiness and justice. These men had developed an excuse not to care for their parents. Their false teaching allowed people to avoid caring for their parents by claiming the money meant to support them had been given as a gift to God. In this way they would be freed from supporting them.

For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death. But ye say, Whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, It is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; And honour not his father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition (Mt 15:4-6).

The New Testament continues the theme of honoring one’s parents. To do this is something that pleases the Lord. Again the truth is repeated that it is not possible to honor one’s parents without obeying them. The promise that comes as a result of obedience to God in this matter is also repeated in Ephesians.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth (Eph 6:1-3).

2. Duties of Parents

Turning now from the relationship of children to parents, the New Testament speaks of the responsibility of parents to children. The duty of the father is to constantly train his children in the ways of the Lord. It is important for fathers not to exercise their authority in an unreasonable way. All correcting and training of children should be done in the gentle, patient, and loving manner of the Lord. If fathers are unreasonable or inconsistent in the correcting and training of their children, they will become discouraged (Eph 6:4).

The Apostle Paul gives some interesting insight on one aspect of training a child. He asks the Thessalonians to recall his manner of life. A father cannot live one way and train a child to live another. If parents do not live honestly before God, they cannot exhort their children to do so.

Ye are witnesses, and God also, how holily and justly and unblameably we behaved ourselves among you that believe: As ye know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children, (1 Thess 2:10-11).

Although unpopular in many circles today, children cannot be brought up in the ways of the Lord without discipline. We remember the Lord punishes us when we are deliberately disobedient. He does not punish us for unintended mistakes. And God never punishes us because He has lost His temper. The Lord’s punishment is always meant to bring the erring one back to obedience and fellowship. His punishment is always done with the greatest care and love. When we are forced to punish our children because of deliberate disobedience, we must follow the example of the Lord. Our punishment should be in the same loving spirit with the same objective. It must never be done in anger or with a lack of self-control ( Heb 12:5-6).

C. Conclusion

The Scripture presents the family unit as functioning primarily on the basis of submission and love. The husband and wife, as Christians, are in submission to the Lord. The Father is the head of the home. He functions, however, by being under submission to the Lord and exhibiting Christian love to the family members. The wife is under submission to her husband just as the Church is under submission to Christ. This God-given relationship gives comfort and direction to the wife. The children are under submission to their parents, honoring and obeying them in the Lord.

The result of this obedience to God’s command is a stable peaceful family, which can stand against the turmoil of life. Such a home is a place of quietness and gentle care. From such a home all members can go forth into an unbelieving world and be a testimony to God’s saving grace.

The submission to authority learned in the home forms the basis for an orderly society. As children go out into the world, they understand it is necessary to submit to their teachers. This also applies to the authority of the government, because it is ordained by God to bring about a peaceful life (Rom 13:1; 1 Tim 2:2; Tit 3:1). The only exception to this is when a government demands an action contrary to the clear teaching of the Scripture (Acts 5:29).

This respect for authority also comes into the work place. Christians should be respectful of those who employ them (Col 3:22-24; Eph 6:5,6; 1 Tim 6:1,2; 1 Pet 2:18). And, of course, it follows that in the church we will respect the authority of the person God has placed in leadership (Heb 13:17).

In all of this, we see the importance of the Christian home. Each member taking their God-given place and performing their assigned duties brings not only a peaceful home but has a far reaching effect on our society as a whole.

Might we, as Christians, firmly protect our homes from the worldly philosophies that would rob us of the blessings God has for those who obey Him. May Christ truly be the head of our homes and each of us submitted to Him, living in obedience to His commands.

3. THE PRINCIPLE OF FIDELITY

A. Old Testament Teaching Against Adultery

The Scripture has made it clear that from the beginning marriage was meant to be the joining of one man and one woman together. Having become one flesh, the union is inseparable so long as both members of the union live. The Lord Jesus reiterated this truth during His earthly ministry.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Gen 2:24).

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder (Mt 19:6).

This prohibition, although not written until the giving of the Mosaic law, had to be clearly understood by all who knew God’s principle of marriage. If the marriage union was for life then anything that would damage this union was wrong. Adultery is when two people, either one or both of which are married to another, have a physical relationship which should take place only between married partners. The prohibition against this sin is found in Exodus 20:14. So damaging is this sin against the marriage vows, the individual, and society as a whole, that the penalty under Hebrew law was death (Deut 22:22). The Scripture points out that this is a sin which destroys the individual. It ultimately brings heartache to all involved. It wreaks havoc on the family. It makes it impossible for those involved to have a proper relationship with God. One who is involved in this sin lacks spiritual wisdom, that is, an understanding of the things of God.

But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul (Prov 6:32).

The laws under which Israel was governed may seem very strict and even harsh. The sexual sins prohibited in the Scripture are often gross. But the nations around Israel were deeply involved in the practice of these things. God demanded that the Israelites, being His people, should keep themselves and their nation pure from these sexual excesses (Lev 20:10-23; Deut 22:22-27). History has proven that those nations which practice such things eventually fall.

B. The Lord’s Teaching Concerning Adultery

The Lord, in his teaching concerning the sin of adultery, had two audiences in mind. First there were those who would listen in order to learn the truth. Second, there were the religious leaders who thought of themselves as righteous and listened only for a chance to find some weakness in the Lord’s teaching. The Lord taught that the righteousness of the Scribes and Pharisees fell far short of God’s requirement. It is not the mere avoidance of the sin that God demands, it is a renewed heart and mind that abhors evil and desires that which is good in the eyes of a righteous God.

Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart (Mt 5:27-28).

Unregenerate men are deeply concerned with how others see them. Their actions are generally motivated by the desire to win the approval of the world. The Lord spoke out against this attitude on the part of the religious leaders. The Christian, because of the new life we have in Christ, is able to obey the Lord from the heart. Our desire should be to please God, not only in our actions, but also in our thoughts (Eph 6:6).

The Lord continues to define the sin of adultery as seen through the eyes of God rather than through the eyes of men. To enter into divorce and then remarry was permitted by the Pharisees. But so far as God is concerned, it is the same as committing adultery.

And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery (Mark 10:11-12).

Lest the innocent suffer with the guilty, the Scripture recognizes that divorce might be necessary when immorality is involved. In that case the guilty party has already broken the marriage vow and he or she alone must suffer the guilt.

But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery (Mt 5:32).

C. Further New Testament Teaching Against Adultery

That adultery is wrong is emphasized throughout the Scripture. It is a sign of man’s unregenerate nature. The Scripture declares all immorality, including adultery, to be an action of the flesh, that is to say, of the sinful nature.

Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness (Gal 5:19).

We are warned that in the last days the false prophets and their followers will be arrogant wicked men who refuse to submit to any authority. Among the great wickedness of these people will be their tendency to commit acts of immorality, including adultery (2 Pet 2:10-15).

The Lord spoke out strongly against the sin of adultery. God’s Word never changes, it is eternal. His instructions to His people provide a way of life that brings contentment and satisfaction. It is not through some sense of old fashioned prudishness or outdated customs that we teach and follow this truth, but because God is always right. His instructions offer the only way to a fulfilling life and a proper relationship with Him. We should be strangers to the ways of the world, recognizing that we are citizens of a far better place. Sin, which is disobedience to God, destroys the tranquillity of our hearts. As the Scripture puts it, sin wars against the soul.

Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul  (1 Pet 2:11).

Let us listen to both the promises and warnings of the Scripture concerning sin. We will be greatly blessed if we refuse the temptations of the world and obey the Lord.  We become involved in sin when we allow our own sinful desires to lead us from the clear instructions of the Scripture. Sin destroys our spiritual and emotional well-being and damages our relationship with the Lord. Let us obey the Scripture. Let us refuse the ways of the world which have nothing to offer but destruction.

Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him. Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death (Jas 1:12-15).

C. An Abomination Before God

We are considering the Scripture’s prohibition of adultery in light of the damage it does to marriage and the family. Along with this we should recognize that all sins of a sexual nature do the same type of damage. History bears witness to the fact that as a society becomes more and more wicked, the openness with which some of these sins are practiced increases. We are seeing this trend in today’s society. Sins of a sexual nature which previously were committed secretly have come out boldly into the open. We refer to the sin of homosexuality. In some countries those who practice this strongly advocate that their perverted lifestyle be accepted as normal. In recent days many marriages have been destroyed by this sin. This perversion is condemned in the Scripture in the strongest of terms.

1. Homosexuality Condemned In The Old Testament

From the earliest time, homosexuality was recognized as abnormal. The reason for the destruction of Sodom and Gomorra was because of the extreme wickedness of the city. The account in Genesis indicates that homosexuality was openly practiced with no shame. The phrase, “that we may know them,” in modern English would be translated, “that we might have sex with them.” These were men referring to other men.

And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them (Gen 19:5).

Under the Mosaic Law homosexual practices were called an abomination, that is, detestable in the sight of a holy God. Therefore those who engaged in such practices were to be put to death.

If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them (Lev 20:13).

The horror with which this sin was viewed is perhaps best seen in the listings of sinful practices of the nations around Israel. God’s people were forbidden to be involved in these things. The first sin in the list is sacrificing babies to the false god Molech. The third sin on the list is having intercourse with animals. And between these two terrible sins is listed the sin of homosexual relations.

And thou shalt not let any of thy seed pass through the fire to Molech, neither shalt thou profane the name of thy God: I am the Lord. Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion (Lev 18:21-23).

2. Homosexuality Condemned in the New Testament

In the New Testament homosexuality is seen to be a direct result of the refusal of people to keep a proper view of God and His holiness in their minds. When man refuses God’s revelation of Himself and makes a god of whatever pleases him, God allows such wicked people to go their own sinful way. The depth of their depravity is shown in the sin of homosexuality.

For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet (Rom 1:26-27).

In 1 Timothy the proper use of the law is pointed out. It is to show those who live contrary to the truth of the gospel the unrighteousness of their actions. It proves that they are acting contrary to God and are therefore sinners.

But we know that the law is good, if a man use it lawfully; Knowing this, that the law is not made for a righteous man, but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and for sinners, for unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers, For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine (1 Tim 1:8-10).

It is a sign of the increasing wickedness of the world that this sin, which God so hates, is today so openly practiced. In some churches homosexuals are openly welcomed. A few of these churches, in complete mockery of the Holy Scripture, allow such people to be ordained to the ministry. We hear them speaking of “Christian homosexuals.”

The teaching of the Scripture is very clear. It is possible to be a Christian through faith in Christ. He then changes us from the sinners we were to those who desire to live for Him. One can choose to be a homosexual by allowing thissinful desire to control the mind and life. A person can make the choice to be one or the other. But one cannot be a Christian homosexual. These two things are in direct opposition one to the other. A Christian is an heir of God’s kingdom while a homosexual, along with all others who mock the Scripture with their actions and refuse the truth of the Gospel, is excluded from this eternal joy.

by Rev & Mrs Jack Sin

Introduction

If you seem to have an interest to know someone of the opposite gender, I have an announcement to make - you are perfectly normal!  Do not be surprised or ashamed, but caution is required here as well.  Courtship may be defined as a mutual commitment made between a man and a woman to meet regularly for the purpose of knowing each other better and seeking God's will with the aim of marriage one day if it is His divine will.  We should include here that there should be a clear understanding that if the courtship does not work out, both persons are to be mature enough to part as friends without resentment and with all due respect for each other's feelings.  Let us discuss some practical concerns for a healthy date.  

When am I ready for Christian courtship?

It is hard to put an age limit on when to begin Christian courtship.  It is useful to follow the following criteria:

·     One who is mentally, spiritually and emotionally mature

·     Who recognize their gift for marriage (I Cor 7:7) or do not have the gift of celibacy,

·     Who is praying and seeking God's will for marriage  

·     And is ready about commitment in a serious relationship .

Teenagers in school will be too young to start dating and courtship.  In Singapore, the average age for marriage is between 27-30 years old.  Hence, someone in his/her mid-teens who start dating will have to expect a long courtship of a decade or more, which may not be healthy. Be patient and wait for the seasons for life to naturally develop as God intends them to be. (Psa 27:14) 

Dangers of Worldly Practices of Dating/Courtship

 The worldly practices of dating often have the following elements:

·     Leads to physical intimacy but not necessarily to marital commitment.

·     Often mistakes a physical relationship for love.

·     Often isolates a couple from other vital relationships with others.

·     In many cases, distracts young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the Lord’s use in the future.

·     Develops a self-centered, feeling-oriented concept of love.

·     Teaches people to break off relationships easily, conditioning them more for divorce than marriage.

·     Develops an appetite for variety and change in relationships, creating dissatisfaction within marriage.

·     Promotes lust and immoral habits, opening the door for sin.

·     Creates a false standard of comparison by which mates may be chosen and then rejected later after marriage.

·     Lacks the protections and guidance afforded by godly principles from the biblical concept of courtship.

·     Devalues the biblical concepts of sex and marriage.

·     Embarks too quickly on a romantic path before one is ready to commit to marriage  

A vital principle in the Bible is that physical intimacy is a privilege of covenant of love sanctioned by God in marriage. (Heb13:3,4)  If you are not in a covenant, then you do not get the privilege of intimacy. The problem is, we are so used to having all the privileges without the responsibilities in this world. Covenant marriage as the Bible defines it, brings many responsibilities with it - a life-long commitment of a marital bond committed to God in the first place.

Can courting couples kiss, hug or hold hands?  Boundaries for restraint are important and necessary as the commitment in the relationship is not certain yet. Stay out of heavy petting and let things develop progressively with time (e.g. holding hands is fine).  Ask yourself objectively, “How long have you been dating and how long will it have to continue?” Stay out of things designed by God only for a husband and his wife!  The only way to be sure is to sign the marriage certificate and say “I do!”  Until then, wait upon the Lord patiently.  If you have given yourself totally to one who is not your spouse, you have a lifetime to regret and you surely do not want that hanging over your mind for the rest of your life. 

Here are some practical rules to consider that may be helpful:

·     Make a commitment to each other before the emotions start rolling. Keep to it. Treat this lady/gentleman the same way you expect someone to treat your spouse!

·     If you are in a room alone together, keep the door open!

·     Always be in a place where you can be easily interrupted and seen.

·     Never be alone in a room behind closed doors or quiet dark obscure corner or park at night with someone of the opposite sex.

·     Avoid romantic encounters until you are ready to commit to marriage. Only engage the romance afteryour commitment. You will have the pleasure of learning romance with the one person you love in the Lord whom you will be blessed by it for the rest of your life with him or her!

·     Do not accentuate on the physical but build up each other intellectually and spiritually in the Lord.

A Good and Edifying Relationship

A good and edifying relationship is one where you love that person enough to be honest; honest about who you are, honest about what you plan to do and be, and honest about how you feel about him/her and what he/she does and says.  Love includes the important ingredient in relationships, which is open and honest communication that is so vital to a healthy marital relationship one day. Literally, say it with love and mean it and edify each other.

It is important that one develops in this area of honest and godly communication (Eph 4:29).  We tend to be shallow in our relationships i.e. comfortable talking about hobbies and the weather, but rarely talking about our struggles, dreams, feelings, spiritual and moral values and beliefs, vulnerabilities and insecurities.  This is unhelpful.  Remember to deepen relationships by purposeful and edifying interactions.

If one is preparing for marriage and not able to communicate with your partner with transparency and vulnerability, then you need to be careful!  Communication is a crucial foundation to every marriage. Open and God honouring communication (Jas 1:19) is necessary in order to understand what is truly motivating each other when you have differing points of view (Col 4:2).

There are two key relationships you should establish with the one you are seriously dating with a view to marry; that of a spiritual mentor and an accountability partner to each other.  A mentor is someone who guides, leads and shares with you along life’s way with Christian principles.  He should be someone you respect and who holds similar views and religious convictions as you in vital areas of your life.  An accountability partner is a trustworthy friend you are responsible to and will be answerable to all the time.  The closer you get to Christ, the closer you get to each other.  Consider this prayerfully.  Have a godly companion who will one day influence your children when you are married. (Mal 2;14, Psa 17:1)

These relationships will not only help to prepare you for marriage one day but they will also serve you to keep your marriage well established and growing healthily.  God is a witness of your marriage and relationship with your spouse-to-be (Mal 2:14).

In the context of courtship, there are two things that we should note; the heart condition and a clear conscience (Acts 24:16).  Keeping his/her best interests at heart would affect areas such as saving your emotional purity for him/her, developing your character and preparing resources for a stable marriage.  Having a good and clear conscience before God and man is important for your future as husband and wife.

Unless you are already married, you should treat every friend as though they will be someone else's spouse one day.  Treat that person as a brother or sister-in-Christ, not defrauding their emotions or their purity but investing in them without motive for selfish gain.  Do wait upon the Lord for His blessings and it will be worth it all (Isa 40:31).

How should we conduct ourselves in Christian courtship? 

Consider the following practical tips.

A.  Things to DO

1.   Be willing and teachable; seek parental guidance and advice from your church leaders (i.e. pastors, elders and deacons). Freely interact with godly married couples and observe their Christian marriage lifestyle and family life.

2.   Ask good questions about each other’s convictions, values, aspirations and other pertinent matters to prepare yourselves for marriage.

3.   Learn more of each other in areas of communication, spiritual convictions, working life, church ministry and family background.

4.   Pray often together for loved ones and the church.  Consider going on organized mission trips to grow and serve together in the Lord’s work.

5.   Have regular Bible study together.  Share what you have learnt from the Lord in your personal devotions, reading of Christian books or Sunday sermons.

6.   Learn to understand each other's personal likes, differences and preferences. Be clear about the character and interests of him/her.

7.   Serve God together in church (e.g. choir, fellowship groups, home-based Bible study groups, Vacation Bible School, etc.) in preparation to serve God as a married couple one day.  Learn to complement each other as a ministry team.

8.   Equip yourselves with adequate understanding of Christian courtship & marriage through reading the Bible and other wholesome Christian literature.

9.   Be willing to relate and fellowship with others in group setting; bearing in mind that you are to set a positive example as a Christian courting couple.

10. Exercise self-control (Gal 5:22, 23) in your passion towards each other; be determined to keep yourselves pure for marriage (Heb 13:4).

11.  Meet the siblings and parents of the other side in due time and have a strong and vibrant relationship with them as well.

Read these verse together and pray together always:
A. I Cor 6:19&20 (your bodies is the temple of God)
B. Rom 12:1 &2 (be transformed by your renewed mind, an example to others )
C. Jer 17:7&10 (you will reap what you sow) 

B. Things Not to Do

1.   Be not exclusive in relating only with each other all the time (Heb 10:24-26, Eph 5:3, Gal 5:16, 19-21) and neglect others.

2.   Do not plan to isolate yourselves (during your date) in dark or solitary places where you can be easily tempted and fall into sin.

3.   Do not give in to your passions and be involved in unhealthy activities like heavy petting and pre-marital sex (Gal 5:6, 19-21).

4.   Do not deceive yourselves that it is alright to do this or that since “we love each other and are already committed to be married anyway.”  (I Cor 7:9, Prov 6:27-28)

5.   Avoid unedifying movies, videos, worldly magazines or unwholesome jokes or books that will stumble each other (2Tim 2:22).

6.   Dress modestly for the date (1 Pet 3:3, 4).  Do not wear plunging necklines, mini- skirts and tempting/sensuous attires that will not be edifying but rather hinder healthy relationships.

7.   As for overseas holidays, go in a group and not just the two of you only.  Do not be a bad testimony to each other and others or even cause the other to fall into sin.  (1 Cor 8:9)

8.   When visiting each other’s home, ensure someone is at home.  Keep your rooms open so that you will not be in absolute privacy.

9.   Be not involved in the worldly environment of revelry and pleasure such as movies, pubs, alcohol consumption and dancing.

10.  Prepare and plan to have a reasonable courtship of at least 2-3 years (it is difficult to know someone well in a short time e.g. 6 months).  Do not be influenced by the worldly system of infidelity and a one-night-stand syndrome. (I Tim 6:6-10,2 Tim 2;22, Gal 5;19-21,)  That which grows slowly, endures.

Love and Commitment

Some people wonder about a relationship where there is 'no physical involvement before marriage' and the possibility if a couple could get married and then to find out they have no sexual or romantic feelings for each other.  The advice is one should not be physically involved until after the commitment to marriage. This is the only way of ensuring that you only romance one partner in your lifetime.  If you allow the physical romance to dominate before the commitment and if it does not work out, then there is the possibility of several romances, with all the pain and emotional baggage that it entails.

There can be exciting and edifying activities in a God-honouring relationship before the marriage/wedding ceremony!  There is a time for everything.  Be actively involved together in ministries of corporate prayer, Bible study, church/youth camps, fellowship groups, choir and weekly Sabbath worship.

Romance is a subjective feeling.   Be warned that when rough times come in the relationship (and it will), romantic feelings will not be the only thing that will keep you together.  Instead, it will be your commitment to God and to each other that will overcome the vicissitudes of life.  “Love and be committed to the one you marry" (Eph 5:28, 33) and "marry the one you love and commit." Both equally are important.

One of the first things people are affected by in a relationship is external attraction for each other.  This is important only to some extent and should not be the sole primary consideration.  The growing feelings of romance and love should not depend on the external countenance only as the basis of marriage (although you should like the looks of each other.)  The other aspects of spiritual, intellectual and social developments need to be considered as well.  Above all, relationships and marriage must have the approval of God first before it can be blessed by Him.   As Christians, we should desire this divine approval from heaven that we may “glorify God and enjoy Him forever.”  The Lord desires His best for us.  (Eph 5:15, 16). Remember that though marriage is made in heaven, courtship and maintenance is done on earth .  

Conclusion

Looking back, on a personal note, we praise and thank God for almost 7 years of meaningful courtship and 15 years of fulfilling marriage.  Together, we have learnt from the Lord and each other to be a God honouring helpmeet, an encouraging confidante and serving in unison in the ministry for the Lord in Maranatha BPC and beyond.  It has certainly been worth it all waiting upon the Lord. You can experience it too in your lives when you honour and put God first in your courtship and marriage.  Nothing is impossible with God.