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The Directory for Family-Worship

ASSEMBLY AT EDINBURGH, August 24, 1647, Sess. 10.

ACT for observing the Directions of the GENERAL ASSEMBLY for secret and private Worship, and mutual Edification; and censuring such as neglect Family-worship.

THE General Assembly, after mature deliberation, doth approve the following Rules and Directions for cherishing piety, and preventing division and schism; and doth appoint ministers and ruling elders in each congregation to take special care that these Directions be observed and followed; as likewise, that presbyteries and provincial synods enquire and make trial whether the said Directions be duly observed in their bounds; and to reprove or censure (according to the quality of the offence), such as shall be found to be reprovable or censurable therein.  And, to the end that these directions may not be rendered ineffectual and unprofitable among some, through the usual neglect of the very substance of the duty of Family-worship, the Assembly doth further require and appoint ministers and ruling elders to make diligent search and enquiry, in the congregations committed to their charge respectively, whether there be among them any family or families which use to neglect this necessary duty; and if any such family be found, the head of the family is to be first adminished privately to amend his fault; and, in case of his continuing therein, he is to be gravely and sadly reproved by the session; after which reproof, if he be found still to neglect Family-worship, let him be, for his obstinacy in such an offence, suspended and debarred from the Lord's supper, as being justly esteemed unworthy to communicate therein, till he amend.

 

DIRECTIONS OF THE GENERAL ASSEMBLY,
CONCERNING SECRET AND PRIVATE WORSHIP, AND MUTUAL EDIFICATION; FOR CHERISHING PIETY, FOR MAINTAINING UNITY, AND AVOIDING SCHISM AND DIVISION.

 

BESIDES the publick worship in congregations, mercifully established in this land in great purity, it is expedient and necessary that secret worship of each person alone, and private worship of families, be pressed and set up; that, with national reformation, the profession and power of godliness, both personal and domestick, be advanced.

I. And first, for secret worship, it is most necessary, that every one apart, and by themselves, be given to prayer and meditation, the unspeakable benefit whereof is best known to them who are most exercised therein; this being the mean whereby, in a special way, communion with God is entertained, and right preparation for all other duties obtained: and therefore it becometh not only pastors, within their several charges, to press persons of all sorts to perform this duty morning and evening, and at other occasions; but also it is incumbent to the head of every family to have a care, that both themselves, and all within their charge, be daily diligent herein.

II. The ordinary duties comprehended under the exercise of piety which should be in families, when they are convened to that effect, are these: First, Prayer and praises performed with a special reference, as well to the publick condition of the kirk of God and this kingdom, as to the present case of the family, and every member thereof. Next, Reading of the scriptures, with catechising in a plain way, that the understandings of the simpler may be the better enabled to profit under the publick ordinances, and they made more capable to understand the scriptures when they are read; together with godly conferences tending to the edification of all the members in the most holy faith: as also, admonition and rebuke, upon just reasons, from those who have authority in the family.

III. As the charge and office of interpreting the holy scriptures is a part of the ministerial calling, which none (however otherwise qualified) should take upon him in any place, but he that is duly called thereunto by God and his kirk; so in every family where there is any that can read, the holy scriptures should be read ordinarily to the family; and it is commendable, that thereafter they confer, and by way of conference make some good use of what hath been read and heard. As, for example, if any sin be reproved in the word read, use may be made thereof to make all the family circumspect and watchful against the same; or if any judgment be threatened, or mentioned to have been inflicted, in that portion of scripture which is read, use may be made to make all the family fear lest the same or a worse judgment befall them, unless they beware of the sin that procured it: and, finally, if any duty be required, or comfort held forth in a promise, use may be made to stir up themselves to employ Christ for strength to enable them for doing the commanded duty, and to apply the offered comfort. In all which the master of the family is to have the chief hand; and any member of the family may propone a question or doubt for resolution.

IV. The head of the family is to take care that none of the family withdraw himself from any part of family-worship: and, seeing the ordinary performance of all the parts of family-worship belongeth properly to the head of the family, the minister is to stir up such as are lazy, and train up such as are weak, to a fitness to these exercises; it being always free to persons of quality to entertain one approved by the presbytery for performing family-exercise. And in other families, where the head of the family is unfit, that another, constantly residing in the family, approved by the minister and session, may be employed in that service, wherein the minister and session are to be countable to the presbytery. And if a minister, by divine Providence, be brought to any family, it is requisite that at no time he convene a part of the family for worship, secluding the rest, except in singular cases especially concerning these parties, which (in Christian prudence) need not, or ought not, to be imparted to others.

V. Let no idler, who hath no particular calling, or vagrant person under pretence of a calling, be suffered to perform worship in families, to or for the same; seeing persons tainted with errors, or aiming at division, may be ready (after that manner) to creep into houses, and lead captive silly and unstable souls.

VI. At family-worship, a special care is to be had that each family keep by themselves; neither requiring, inviting, nor admitting persons from divers families, unless it be those who are lodged with them, or at meals, or otherwise with them upon some lawful occasion.

VII. Whatsoever have been the effects and fruits of meetings of persons of divers families in the times of corruption or trouble, (in which cases many things are commendable, which otherwise are not tolerable,) yet, when God hath blessed us with peace and purity of the gospel, such meetings of persons of divers families (except in cases mentioned in these Directions) are to be disapproved, as tending to the hinderance of the religious exercise of each family by itself, to the prejudice of the publick ministry, to the rending of the families of particular congregations, and (in progress of time) of the whole kirk. Besides many offences which may come thereby, to the hardening of the hearts of carnal men, and grief of the godly.

VIII. On the Lord's day, after every one of the family apart, and the whole family together, have sought the Lord (in whose hands the preparation of men's hearts are) to fit them for the publick worship, and to bless to them the publick ordinances, the master of the family ought to take care that all within his charge repair to the publick worship, that he and they may join with the rest of the congregation: and the publick worship being finished, after prayer, he should take an account what they have heard; and thereafter, to spend the rest of the time which they may spare in catechising, and in spiritual conferences upon the word of God: or else (going apart) they ought to apply themselves to reading, meditation, and secret prayer, that they may confirm and increase their communion with God: that so the profit which they found in the publick ordinances may be cherished and promoved, and they more edified unto eternal life.

IX. So many as can conceive prayer, ought to make use of that gift of God; albeit those who are rude and weaker may begin at a set form of prayer, but so as they be not sluggish in stirring up in themselves (according to their daily necessities) the spirit of prayer, which is given to all the children of God in some measure: to which effect, they ought to be more fervent and frequent in secret prayer to God, for enabling of their hearts to conceive, and their tongues to express, convenient desires to God for their family. And, in the meantime, for their greater encouragement, let these materials of prayer be meditated upon, and made use of, as followeth.

"Let them confess to God how unworthy they are to come in his presence, and how unfit to worship his Majesty; and therefore earnestly ask of God the spirit of prayer.

"They are to confess their sins, and the sins of the family; accusing, judging, and condemning themselves for them, till they bring their souls to some measure of true humiliation.

"They are to pour out their souls to God, in the name of Christ, by the Spirit, for forgiveness of sins; for grace to repent, to believe, and to live soberly, righteously, and godly; and that they may serve God with joy and delight, walking before him.

"They are to give thanks to God for his many mercies to his people, and to themselves, and especially for his love in Christ, and for the light of the gospel.

"They are to pray for such particular benefits, spiritual and temporal, as they stand in need of for the time, (whether it be morning or evening,) as anent health or sickness, prosperity or adversity.

"They ought to pray for the kirk of Christ in general, for all the reformed kirks, and for this kirk in particular, and for all that suffer for the name of Christ; for all our superiors, the king's majesty, the queen, and their children; for the magistrates, ministers, and whole body of the congregation whereof they are members, as well for their neighbours absent in their lawful affairs, as for those that are at home.

"The prayer may be closed with an earnest desire that God may be glorified in the coming of the kingdom of his Son, and in doing of his will, and with assurance that themselves are accepted, and what they have asked according to his will shall be done."

X. These exercises ought to be performed in great sincerity, without delay, laying aside all exercises of worldly business or hinderances, not withstanding the mockings of atheists and profane men; in respect of the great mercies of God to this land, and of his severe corrections wherewith lately he hath exercised us. And, to this effect, persons of eminency (and all elders of the kirk) not only ought to stir up themselves and families to diligence herein, but also to concur effectually, that in all other families, where they have power and charge, the said exercises be conscionably performed.

XI. Besides the ordinary duties in families, which are above mentioned, extraordinary duties, both of humiliation and thanksgiving, are to be carefully performed in families, when the Lord, by extraordinary occasions, (private or publick,) calleth for them.

XII. Seeing the word of God requireth that we should consider one another, to provoke unto love and good works; therefore, at all times, and specially in this time, wherein profanity abounds, and mockers, walking after their own lusts, think it strange that others run not with them to the same excess of riot; every member of this kirk ought to stir up themselves, and one another, to the duties of mutual edification, by instruction, admonition, rebuke; exhorting one another to manifest the grace of God in denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, and in living godly, soberly and righteously in this present world; by comforting the feeble-minded, and praying with or for one another. Which duties respectively are to be performed upon special occasions offered by Divine Providence; as, namely, when under any calamity, cross, or great difficulty, counsel or comfort is sought; or when an offender is to be reclaimed by private admonition, and if that be not effectual, by joining one or two more in the admonition, according to the rule of Christ, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

XIII. And, because it is not given to every one to speak a word in season to a wearied or distressed conscience, it is expedient, that a person (in that case,) finding no ease, after the use of all ordinary means, private and publick, have their address to their own pastor, or some experienced Christian: but if the person troubled in conscience be of that condition, or of that sex, that discretion, modesty, or fear of scandal, requireth a godly, grave, and secret friend to be present with them in their said address, it is expedient that such a friend be present.

XIV. When persons of divers families are brought together by Divine Providence, being abroad upon their particular vocations, or any necessary occasions; as they would have the Lord their God with them whithersoever they go, they ought to walk with God, and not neglect the duties of prayer and thanksgiving, but take care that the same be performed by such as the company shall judge fittest. And that they likewise take heed that no corrupt communication proceed out of their mouths, but that which is good, to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace to the hearers.

The drift and scope of all these Directions is no other, but that, upon the one part, the power and practice of godliness, amongst all the ministers and members of this kirk, according to their several places and vocations, may be cherished and advanced, and all impiety and mocking of religious exercises suppressed: and, upon the other part, that, under the name and pretext of religious exercises, no such meetings or practices be allowed, as are apt to breed error, scandal, schism, contempt, or misregard of the publick ordinances and ministers, or neglect of the duties of particular callings, or such other evils as are the works, not of the Spirit, but of the flesh, and are contrary to truth and peace.

The Cure to Loneliness

By Rev Charles Seet

Text: John 12:20-26

This passage is not so much a parable as a parabolic saying. Parabolic sayings are much shorter than parables – usually only one or two sentences long. Besides the 40 parables Jesus told, there are about 22 parabolic sayings. The one in our text goes like this: “Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.” (v.24)

I. The Lord Died Alone (v.27,32,33)

Why did Jesus say this? Whose death was He referring to? It was actually His own death that He was talking about. This is clear in what He said three verses later : “Now is my soul troubled; and what shall I say? Father, save me from this hour: but for this cause came I unto this hour.” Three days from the time He said these words, Christ was going to sacrifice His own life. Thus the seed refers to Himself. As the seed falls to the ground and dies, so Jesus was shortly going to fall into the hands of those who would crucify Him. But out of his death, would come forth the glorious and bountiful atonement for sins that will bring many into eternal life. Thousands will be saved and have life through the death of our Lord Jesus Christ. This is stated by Him in vv.32,33 – “And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me. This he said, signifying what death he should die.” 

But the process of saving the world was not to be an easy one for our Saviour. He was going to tread an awful lonely path of suffering and anguish. On the night before His death on the cross, the Lord Jesus went with his disciples to the Garden of Gethsemane. And there He went to pray alone, apart from His disciples. None of them could understand what He was going through. And while they fell asleep, He agonized alone in prayer saying, “Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” His suffering was so terrible and intense that His sweat became like great drops of blood falling to the ground (Luke 22:44). Shortly after that, He was arrested and tried. All His disciples forsook Him and fled (Matthew 26:56). Peter denied Him three times (John 18:25).

He was humilated, unjustly sentenced to death, and nailed to the cross, to die a most horrible death between two thieves. And as he hung from the cross, He cried out “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46). It was at this point that our Lord’s suffering became most intense. Not only forsaken by people He came to save, and forsaken by His own disciples, He was now also forsaken by God the Father. At this point, our Lord was truly alone!

II. The Lord Cares for the Lonely

Dearly beloved, if you ever feel lonely, you can take comfort that the Lord understands what you feel. He has gone through it before. And our message from God’s Word this morning is especially for those in our midst who have to cope with loneliness, and hence it is entitled “The Cure to Loneliness.”

Many of us may not fully understand how difficult it is to be lonely, because we are surrounded with families and close friends all the time. And because we are too busy with our own lives, we may not take notice of people who are lonely, people who live alone, people who would keep themselves busy with work each day but at the end of it return to an empty home, people who need a listening ear and sympathetic heart. A dear sister in Christ shared with me about how she dreaded going home at the end of the day, afraid to be alone again, and oftentimes would just cry. Feelings of loneliness are real and can be very hard to bear. There are some who live alone because they choose to do so. But there are others who live alone because they have no choice. Their parents have died and their siblings are all married and have their own families to take care of.

III. The Needs of the Lonely

According to population statistics in 1998, 32 % of residents in Singapore are 15 years old and older are not married, nearly 6 % are widowed and about 1.6 % are separated or divorced. We do not know how many of them are living alone, but it may be many. Widows and orphans have special needs. In Bible times, they were often in difficult straits, because of the social customs of that time. Hence the Lord is especially caring toward these two groups. According to Psalm 68:5, God is a “A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows,” According to James 1:27, “Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.”

Now, although widowers are not mentioned here, they too need help. In fact men who lose their wives to death often find it harder to cope with life than women who lose their husbands. Let us be mindful of their needs and do our best to help them.

Beside widows and orphans there are other lonely people today that also have special needs. In one survey taken of single persons, in which they were asked about their frustrations, the majority chose their greatest frustration to be “being left out” or “not being included, especially in couples or family events.” The second greatest frustation was finances, and the third was the finding of meaningful and rewarding friendships. This is perhaps one reason why we hear that many lonely people today spend much time in internet chat rooms and phone lines to meet new people. But sometimes this unfortunately has disastrous results because there are some evil people who use this to victimize single persons.

Dearly beloved, since the scriptures teach us to ‘bear one another’s burdens,’ (Galatians 6:2), let us not forget the needs of lonely people, and especially of our relatives and church brethren who are lonely. Include them in your prayers, and once in a while invite them to share a meal with you. Notice them. Pay attention to them, talk to them. Call them up to inquire after their welfare. As you do these things, you may be used by the Lord to bring much encouragement to someone just by expressing loving concern to him or her.

The best people for the lonely Christian to develop quality friendships with are likeminded believers who will show genuine concern for them. If you belong to a fellowship group, take the initiative to invite them to join in. The various fellowship groups and NBCs in our church provide excellent opportunities for good social interaction and fellowship for single persons, in the weekly or monthly meetings, the home Bible studies and the occasional retreats or outings they organize. Our church also organises church camps once a year, and seminars (like the one this week) where there are opportunities to fellowship with like-minded brethren.

IV. Guidelines to Cope with Loneliness

The best help for those who are lonely however comes from God Himself. As was mentioned earlier, He cares for orphans and widows and those who have no one to turn to for help.

He knows what it is like to be alone, since he went through it here on earth. The Lord provides some valuable guidelines for coping with loneliness for us today in His Word. And this is what we want to focus our attention on for the rest of this morning’s message. The first guideline is:

1. Cultivate meaningful friendships with other Christians.

The Bible has some examples of good friendships between believers of the same mind: E.g. Naomi and Ruth, David and Jonathan, Elijah and Elisha, Paul and Barnabas. Study them carefully and learn how to cultivate meaningful friendships. The apostle Paul’s life in particular, is very useful for you to study – because he is an excellent example of one who was single, and yet never lonely. And the account of his life in the book of Acts shows that from the time he was saved he developed good relationships with other believers.

He was particularly blessed through a good Christian friend named Barnabas who introduced him to the leaders of the church in Jerusalem, and who served together with him at the church of Antioch, and later on their first missionary trip. It was through the encouragement of Barnabas that Paul’s leadership abilities developed, and by the end of that missionary journey, Paul was clearly the recognized leader, even better than Barnabas. This demonstrates one valuable thing that a good friendship provides: Accountability. Each of us is of course, accountable to God. But the scriptures tell us that we are to “consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:” (Hebrews 10:24) and this means that we are mutually accountable to one another. Ask yourself this question: Who are you personally accountable to now?

If you are not accountable to anyone yet, then please make yourself accountable to someone, e.g. have a mentor or a prayer partner. Share your life goals and objectives with him, and ask him to pray that you will attain to them. I used to have a prayer partner on campus when I was a student in the university. Without fail we would meet every morning before lectures began, in order to pray for one another and for missions. We would also share our joys and our sorrows with each other.

Besides cultivating meaningful friendships, another useful guideline for coping with loneliness is to:

2. Learn the secret of living alone: Not self-sufficiency, but sufficiency in Christ.

Self-sufficiency is not the answer to loneliness. There are some popular self-improvement books on the market today (e.g. those by writers like Anthony Robbins and Stephen Covey) that teach that every person should have a good sense of his own worth or what they call, self-esteem. They claim that successful living comes from building your self-confidence and self-sufficiency, and then going on to fulfill your own life ambitions and dreams. They tell you that you really do not need anyone’s help. You can cope with life alone without others, and must live up to your fullest potential. Some would even teach breathing and meditation techniques that help you to get in touch with your ‘inner self’ in order to tap the powerful resources that are supposedly found there. Is this what you need for successful living? Will this solve the problems of loneliness?

Many single people today are prone to believe these things, and so they spend a lot of time and effort on cultivating their self-esteem and self-reliance, attending courses on transcendental meditation, or yoga or some self-improvement therapy. By the way, you must be very careful of these teachings of self-worth and of realizing one’s full potential, because much of this is coming now from the New Age movement, which is an end-time Satanic deception.

In contrast to this, the Scriptures do not teach self-confidence or self-sufficiency, but confidence and sufficiency in Christ alone. Once again, we look at the apostle Paul as example of this: Listen to what he wrote in Philippians 4:11 - “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.” Paul had learnt to be content with whatever he had. He found that he could be contented with much, and that he could also be contented with little. Nothing in life frustrated him, since he was able to cope with any situation.

But Paul would also never be able to be content on his own strength or his own willpower. Actually he needed help in order to be content. The contentment that he mentioned here came through Jesus Christ, as he says in v.13 - “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” It was through Jesus Christ alone that he coped very well with any situation he faced - whether it was poverty or prosperity.

 

And since Paul was a single person he becomes an excellent example for all single people to follow. So learn how to find your sufficiency in Christ, in whatever state you find yourself in so that you will know how to abound and how to be abased. Keep on telling yourself: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Let us go on to the third guideline for living alone:

3. Turn your loneliness into an opportunity to discover and become all that God wants you to be.

Singlehood actually affords the best season for unhindered personal growth and development. And as a Christian single person, your mission in life should be to do all that God wants you to do and be everything that God wants you to be. This was evidently something that the apostle Paul did, as he stated in Philippians 3:10-12 – “That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death; If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead. Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.”

Now, if you want to discover what God wants you to be, learn to discern or prove what is God’s will for you, at each step of His plan for your life. Spend time with the Lord in prayer and His word. Seek counsel and advice from mature Christians, and consider your own circumstances, read books by good Christian writers. Ask the Lord to show you what particular gifts and skills He wants you to develop and how He wants you to develop them. Attend workshops and seminars that help you to develop the skills you need. Then find opportunities to utilize your God-given abilities. For example, if your strength is in teaching, you can learn how to teach in Sunday school or lead a Bible study group.

One dear sister in our church has found the answer to her problems as a single person by using her skill in teaching. And the Lord has now opened many doors of opportunity for her to teach English twice a month to poor children and to prospective Bible students in a needy mission field. To upgrade her skills, she went through some training in child evangelism and also helped out as a teacher in our VBS last June.

Besides developing skills for God’s use, you can also make full use of your present situation to get rid of things in your life that are sinful or unedifying. Perhaps there are some bad habits, or traits in your life. If you look at yourself and find that you have some faults and unpleasant personality problems, don’t be discouraged. Remember that the Lord is still working in your life and has not yet finished transforming you yet. The apostle Paul expressed this principle in Philippians 2:12,13 tells us that God will work in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure, as you yourself work out your salvation with fear and trembling. This leads us to the next guideline for coping with life alone:

4. Cultivate self-discipline with your use of time, talents and treasures.

Do not become what people call a ‘swinging single’ – a person who lives without any real direction in life, and just trying out whatever comes along. I have known some single adults who do not like to commit themselves permanently to anything. They just want to be a free spirit, flitting from one thing to another, changing jobs, traveling around the world, going on wild adventures. You know, this kind of life may look quite attractive for single adults but it accomplishes nothing, and only leads to regrets later on.

Please remember that as a Christian single person, you are still accountable to God for your use of time and talents. Maximise all of these things for God's Kingdom. In order to exercise good stewardship, you need to set specific goals for yourself. Then aim for it and cultivate self-discipline to work towards it. In Philippians 3:13 the apostle Paul said, “this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus”.

I used to know a friend who would get very excited about something, start on it, but after that, did not have staying power to continue on with it. Learn how to be dependable, to be someone that others can rely on. Once again we look at Paul’s example, as he said, “But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection”(1 Corinthians 9:27). Ask the Lord to make you a disciplined and dependable channel of blessing to others, someone who will not be easily discouraged when problems and difficulties arise. We now come to the final guideline for coping with life alone:

5. Make as significant a contribution as you can, to the Lord's work, whenever there is opportunity.

E.g. If you are good at using a computer to do presentations, you can help others to make good presentations for teaching a Bible lesson effectively.

If you are a good writer, help others learn how to write good articles for reporting on the Lord’s work. If you are a doctor or nurse, you can go on short medical mission trips overseas to facilitate gospel outreach. I think of one dear sister from our church, who is now in Laos working there alone under a international organisation, because she is willing to let God use her life there to reach out to people with the gospel. I think of some young adults in our church who occasionally conduct lessons for the students in our three Before and After School Care centers in Yishun.

The possibilities available are endless, if you will only look for them and be sensitive to the Lord’s guidance, wherever He places you. Make it a point to pray, “Lord, here I am, You have placed me here in this situation. Please use me to the full. Show me how I can use the gifts You have given me to bless the lives of those around me. Lord, as a result your putting me in this place, I want it to become different from the time when I first came into it.”

There is really much that you can contribute to the Lord’s work because of your unique situation. Many single persons are able to travel more easily and widely than others, and for that reason, can easily root and uproot themselves than those who have families. Two of our Life Church missionaries (Sister Ho Heng Sau and Brother Surish) are single, and they are doing a fine work in their mission fields. A good number of people who go on mission trips are single persons. And they are able to do a lot to encourage missionaries. Single women have been among the finest missionaries in the world. Despite the handicaps in which they live, they serve the Lord well. They are well-integrated personalities and adjust readily to new circumstances and situations. They are often cheerful, conscientious, hard-working and co-operative.

God has used single people for some of His greatest works in history. Beside the apostle Paul who brought the gospel to the Gentile world of his day, there have been many others: Mighty prophets like Daniel and Jeremiah, church fathers like Jerome who translated the Bible into Latin, and Augustine who wrote great theological works, and in our present century there have been many missionaries and also J. Gresham Machen, the man who stood alone against modernism in the Presbyterian church in the 1930s. So be like them, burn yourself out for the Lord’s work, and you will bear much fruit.

As Jesus said in our parable: “Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.”

Dearly beloved, the cure to loneliness is simply to die to self and to live completely for the Lord. Do not live for yourself anymore, but live for Christ. For Christ has said in vv.25,26 – “He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal. If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my Father honour.”

The Basis of a Christian Family

By Rev Charles Seet
(Preached at Life BPC, 8am service, 9 April 2000)

Text: 1 Timothy 5:8; Matthew 10:34-37

The theme for our 8 am services this quarter is "Strengthening the Christian Home." Why is it necessary to talk about strengthening the Christian home? One good reason is the prevailing trend of breakdown in family life today.

I. The Present Breakdown in Family Life

A. In the World: Mother's Day is coming up next month, and last Sunday there was an article in the Straits Times that a new mother's day card is now on sale in Britain because of public demand - for single mums. It reported that Family life is changing and traditional families (i.e. with two parents and children living together) are on the decline now. There are fewer marriages, more cohabitation and 4 out of 10 babies in Britain are born to mothers outside of marriage. 3 in 10 children will experience a broken home before they are 16 years old. 

Another article in the papers two days ago reported that teenagers in Thailand have become decadent and permissive in behaviour as a result of the breakdown in family life there. This was revealed in a survey conducted by a university there.

The role of the family unit in society is increasingly neglected. Because of all kinds of influences from the world urging efforts individual achievement and success, the average family spends less time together now than before. And it is not surprising then that in many rapidly developed countries, broken homes are very common. And even in Singapore there are already forces working that if we are not careful, can result in the fracturing of family life.

B. In Singapore: Let us be aware that family life in Singapore is changing, because of the stresses of our increasing pace of life, and the demands of the new global knowledge-based economy. Just last month, this trend was the subject of debate in parliament. A nominated MP passionately argued that the government should prioritise the needs of the family, do more to strengthen the family, and review its policies to help families, for example, more flexible leave policies to spend time with one's family, and paternity leave for fathers.

She proposed that private companies should implement family-friendly practices like providing childcare facilities in the office for working mothers. One columnist described the typical Singapore family life as being complex and messy. It is getting common now for families to be fragmented because of overseas study, overseas work assignments, housing constraints, and failure in marriage. In many families both parents have to work for economic reasons. In some cases this has resulted in the neglect of their children, who in turn grow up to abandon their parents. Concern has been raised over increasing incidences of family violence and child abuse, and of young people getting involved in violent crimes.

History has shown that a society that upholds the family and family life will be morally preserved, while a society that neglects the family, and allows sinful influences to destroy and fragment the family, will become morally decadent. Dearly beloved, we cannot ignore what is happening today in the world and in Singapore - the family unit is degenerating! What then in the remedy for this degeneration of family life that is affecting us today?

II. The Prominence of Family Life in the Scriptures

The remedy is to refer to the instruction manual provided by the Maker who designed and created the family unit. The Bible gives us all the basic principles we need from God, about how families should function, and the role of each component of the family. God originally ordained the family to be the basic unit of society. We can find this emphasized in the Word of God in at least four ways. Firstly, in the

A. Commandments and Instructions about Family Life: Many of the commandments given in the scriptures are related to promoting harmony and godliness in family life. Husbands are commanded to love their wives, and the wives are commanded to submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22,25). Parents are commanded to love, instruct, and discipline their children, while children are commanded to honour and obey their parents (Ephesians 6:1-4). These commandments will be dealt with in greater detail in our 8 am messages next month.

But what we want to observe for now, is the abundance of commandments and specific instructions given in the Bible about family life, and ask the question, "Why does God give so much instructions about family life?" Doesn't this indicate how interested He is in families?

And if the Lord gives so much attention and effort to regulating family life, should we not then do the same? And this is not the only way that the Bible emphasizes family life. Let us go on to look at another way that the Bible emphasizes family life, that is, in the:

B. Promises of the Bible: It is a fact that many of the promises given in the Scriptures deal not just with individuals, but also with families. For instance, when Peter delivered his first gospel sermon at Pentecost, he proclaimed: "Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. For the promise is unto you, and to your children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall call."  (Acts 2:38,39)

When Paul and Silas brought the Gospel message to their Philippian jailer, they said to him, "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house." Earlier on in the same chapter (vv.14,15) another family was saved - that of Lydia, a seller of a purple dye from Thyatira. The Lord opened her heart when the Apostle Paul preached the gospel, and she and her household (family) were baptized. Her house thus became the meeting place of the first church at Philippi.

By the way, it is because of the fact that the promise of God is extended to families and, that household baptisms are recorded in the NT, that we practise infant baptism in our church. We believe that baptism is a sign of the covenant that God has made with His people, a covenant to bless not just individuals but their families as well. And our part in this covenant is to build our families in godliness, to cultivate Christian homes. In a later message we shall deal in detail with how to do this, when we look at the topic of family devotions. If we understand the concept of the covenant - that it applies to the believer's family, then family devotions would be the logical outworking of that concept.

C. Requirements for Spiritual Leadership: And besides commandments and promises concerning family life, we can also find in the Scriptures, that harmonious family relationships were an important requirement for anyone to receive positions of spiritual leadership. This is another way that God indicates the importance of the family.

When the apostle Paul wrote to Timothy about what kind of persons the church should appoint as its elders and deacons, he added that they must be proven to be good governors of their own families first, and he said, "If a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?"

In line with this, it is interesting to note that one of the reasons why God chose Abraham out of so many people who lived in his time, to enter into a covenant with him, was his family life. Genesis 18:19 tells us, "For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which He hath spoken of him."

D. Examples of Good Families: And besides all that, the Word of God also supplies us with many fine examples of godly families.

1. The Family of Noah is the first example of a godly family. In Genesis 6:18 God told Noah "But with thee will I establish My covenant; and thou shalt come into the ark, thou, and thy sons, and thy wife, and thy sons' wives with thee." In a world so wicked that God brought destructive judgment upon it, the family of Noah was the only family living in obedience to the Lord. How wonderful it must have been to see Noah and his three sons with their respective wives working and building the ark together, and also experiencing God's deliverance from the Flood together as a family. Perhaps one of the reasons why Noah was able to stand firm against the evil of his day was because he enjoyed the peace and sanctity of a godly home. That is one of the benefits of belonging to a godly family. Dearly beloved, like Noah we are living today in the midst of an ungodly world. How great therefore is our need to have godly homes, good Christian families that will enable each family member to stand against the strong evil influences around us.

2. The family of Moses is another example: The 11th chapter of Hebrews tells us of the faith of Amram and Jochebed, the parents of Moses who defied pharoah's command by faith and hid Moses for three months. When they could no longer hide him, they floated him down the Nile river in a basket and God caused Moses to be found by the Egyptian princess. Amram and Jochebed had three children: Aaron and Miriam, the siblings of Moses, served God as high priest and prophetess respectively, and Moses of course became the great deliverer and Lawgiver of Israel.

3. In the book of Jeremiah (chapter 35) the obedience of the family of Jonadab the son of Rechab is used by God as an example for the disobedient nation of Israel. The Rechabites strictly observed their father's command to dwell in tents and to abstain from drinking wine. Even when Jeremiah offered to them pots of good wine, they refused to yield.

4. In the New Testament one family that is mentioned very favourably was the family of Philip the evangelist. Acts 21:8,9 - "And the next day we that were of Paul's company departed, and came unto Caesarea: and we entered into the house of Philip the evangelist, which was one of the seven; and abode with him. And the same man had four daughters, virgins, which did prophesy." The remarkable thing about Philip's family that Luke observed was that his four unmarried daughters were serving the Lord, like Philip, their father. Verse 8 tells us that they prophesied. This could have two meanings. It could mean that they were all endowed with a special gift of receiving supernatural predictions from God, in an age when the written Word was not available to believers yet. Or alternatively it could mean that they like their father were engaged in proclaiming the Gospel, and teaching God's Word. Whatever v.8 means, one thing is definite: Philip's daughters loved the Lord as much as their father. And the fact that warms our hearts is that they were serving God together as a family. According to Eusebius the church historian, Philip and his four daughters later moved to Hierapolis in Asia Minor because of persecution, and there they provided the famous church father Papias with valuable information for his writings on the early days of the Jerusalem church.

III. The Principles for Christian Family Life

Having seen how prominent the family is in the Bible, we now go on to learn some principles that must serve as the foundation or basis of the Christian family. Now these principles need to be practiced and applied, and there is not enough time now to discuss the very many practical issues in family life that are involved in applying them. But if you are really interested in knowing more about their practical application let me recommend this book for you to read: Formula for Family Unity - A practical guide of Christian Families by Walter and Trudy Fremont (BJU press, 1980) - only 35 copies in bookroom. It deals with key family and marriage problems - How to love, communicate, submission, leadership, parental responsibilities, discipline of children, manage family finances. This authors are staff members at BJU who conduct weekend family seminars in churches throughout the year. Right now we are going to look at the two principles that form the basis for building a godly Christian home: The first is that

A. Family Members Must be Committed One to Another

This principle is given in 1 Timothy 5:8 - "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." Although this command is found in the context of providing for one's aged parents or grandparents, we want to understand the general principle it teaches - the sense of obligation or better still, the commitment that should bind family members together.

There are some who believe that love is what binds family members together. That is true, as long as our idea of love is not that of the sentimental feelings or warm emotions that the world tends to portray as love. What is love? In the Christian family, love means being firmly committed to one another, regardless of how we may feel about one another. Feelings change all the time. A wife may sometimes feel irritated by her husband's untidy habits. A mother may sometimes feel upset with a child who is disobedient. Siblings sometimes quarrel with each other over toys and personal belongings, or exhibit 'sibling rivalry'. If the quality of family life depended upon feelings, it would very soon end up in terrible jeopardy! But if there is commitment between members of the family to one another, then family life would still remain strong and steadfast, despite any change of feelings.
This applies first of all to the marriage relationship. This is the relationship that undergirds the whole family. Father and mother's undying commitment to one another are the pillars upon which the whole family rests.

If that commitment were to be compromised, the very foundations of family life would be shaken. Let me therefore say this to all who are parents here:
If you want to build a strong Christian family, then build up a firm commitment to your spouse, and let nothing ever compromise that commitment.
Commitment also applies to the parent-child relationship. Such commitment keeps a father from disowning or child or giving up on him, even when the child becomes rebellious and disobedient.

We think of the many times that Israel rebelled against God, and roused His displeasure and wrath against them. And yet as their heavenly Father, God always remained steadfastly committed to the covenant He made with them! It is also commitment that enables a Christian to persevere in taking care of an aged bedridden parent to the best of his ability. The tie that binds family members together is commitment. But there is a more important commitment than this. For even if all members in a family are deeply committed to one another, it would not be a Christian family without commitment to Christ. This brings us to the second principle that forms the basis of the Christian family.

B. Family Members Must Be Committed to the Lord

We have a wall plaque in our bookroom that reads, "Christ is the Head of this House, the Unseen Guest at every Meal, the silent listener to every conversation." A Christian family can be described as a family where Christ is honoured, obeyed and served as Lord and Master. It is a home where the father, mother, sons and daughters are all growing in their commitment to Christ, looking to Him for help to deal with problems and praising Him for His daily blessings. And ultimately, the strength of the Christian family depends on this: The commitment that each member of the family must have, to the Lord Jesus Christ. The ideal situation we should strive for is to have all family members equally and fully committed to the Lord.

In some homes however, family members may not all share the same commitment to Christ. Sometimes the children are deeply committed to Christ, but the parents are not. Sometimes it is the parents who are deeply committed to Christ, but the children are not. Some of us may have loved ones in our family who are not Christians, or are nominal Christians.

We can anticipate problems in such a situation. There may be occasional disagreements or conflicts arising from the differences in commitment. Let us consider what Jesus said would be the effect of this upon families, in Matthew 10:34-37 -  "Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.  For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.  And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.  He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of Me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me."

As long as our loved ones are not committed to Christ there will be things that stand between them and us. But if we take the trouble to bring our loved ones to have the same commitment to Christ, and succeed, there will no longer be these differences to strain our relationships. Instead we would be able to share freely about our common faith in the Lord Jesus. We would have a closer and more meaningful time with them.

In our dealings with loved ones who are outside Christ right now, the joy and fellowship we can share together with them is actually quite limited. When we get together, the only things we would talk about are family matters, our jobs, or the weather. Other than that, our values are quite different and we will soon sense that. We would like to talk with them about spiritual things, about our heavenly hope, about Christ and His word. But they would rather talk about worldly things, about new opportunities to make more money in this life, and about their own ambitions and dreams.

But imagine what a difference it would make when they become fully committed to the Lord. Our time together with them would become more meaningful as we can now share freely about the blessings we enjoy in Christ. For this reason, let us make every effort to bring every family member to commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ. That means praying for them, reaching out to them with the Word of God, and if we are parents, by teaching our children to love and obey the Lord. This is the way to build a Christian family.

Dearly beloved, we have seen today that God expects us to regard the family with the same great regard that He has for it. And because of this, we must strengthen our commitment to the rest of the family, and most of all to strengthen our commitment to the Lord. Let me challenge all of us to meditate on what we have heard and then apply them well.

Strengthening the Christian Home

By Rev Charles Seet
(Preached at Life BPC, 10.30am service, 12 November 2000)

Text: 1 Timothy 5:8; Deuteronomy 11:16-19

This past week the news was filled with the aftermath of the SIA disaster in Taiwan. Those who died were flown home to their grieving families for funeral arrangements. Those who were hospitalized were transferred to Singapore and to their families, all waiting to render them the care and comfort they need. Sometimes it is only when things like these happen that we realise how much our loved ones mean to us. And when a loved one suddenly passes away, we feel a great sense of regret that we had not spent enough time with them. How we wish we could just turn back the clock and have the opportunity to do things differently – to spend time building a meaningful bond with them. 

I. The Present Breakdown in Family Life

A. The Popular Trend 

It is fast becoming a trend for families today for both parents to become too busy with the pursuit of their respective careers. The care of the children is delegated to the day care center, or to the maid. Those of school-going age are taken care of in before and after school care centers. Whatever little time of interaction spent with the children, is used mostly for supervising their homework or preparing them for exams. And as long as they can obtain good results for every exam, parents consider themselves to have successfully fulfilled their role as parents.

But when the turbulent years of adolesence arrive, they find themselves terribly estranged from their children. Instead of looking to their parents, the children look to their friends, their peers or to the internet to find the guidance, help and answers they need. And so the failure to build a strong family bond now begins to takes its toll. The children go on their own way, paying no attention to their bewildered parents, and leaving them wondering what has happened. How the parents then wish that they could turn back the clock and have the opportunity to bring up their children differently.

There is a real need to address this trend of breakdown in family life. Because of the various influences from the world that urge individual achievement and success, the average family spends less time together now than before.

B. The Terrible Result 

Family life in Singapore is changing, because of the stresses of our hectic pace of life, and the demands of the new global knowledge-based economy. One journalist recently described the typical Singapore family life as being complex and messy. It is getting common now for families to become fragmented and dysfunctional either because of overseas study, overseas work assignments, housing constraints, and failure in marriage. Concern has been raised over increasing incidences of family violence and child abuse, and of teens getting involved in premarital relationships and in even in violent crimes.

Dearly beloved, we cannot ignore what is happening today – the family unit is degenerating! Let us be careful not to take our families for granted. The Lord wants us to value our relationships with those who are close to us, and particularly with those within our own family. What then in the remedy for this degeneration of family life that is affecting us today?

II. The Prominence of Family Life in the Scriptures

The remedy is to return to the instruction manual provided by the Maker who designed and created the family unit. The Bible gives us all the basic principles we need from God, about how families should function, and the role of each component of the family. God originally ordained the family to be the basic unit of society. We can find this emphasized in the Word of God in at least two ways. Firstly, in the

A. Commandments and Instructions about Family Life: Many of the commandments given in the scriptures are related to promoting harmony and godliness in family life. Husbands are commanded to love their wives, and the wives are commanded to submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22,25). Parents are commanded to love, instruct, and discipline their children, while children are commanded to honour and obey their parents (Ephesians 6:1-4).

But what we want to observe for now, is the abundance of commandments and specific instructions given in the Bible about family life, and ask the question, "Why is there such a wealth of instructions about family life?" Doesn’t this indicate how much God is interested in families?

And if the Lord gives so much attention and effort to regulating family life, should we not then do the same? And this is not the only way that the Bible upholds family life. Let us go on to look at another way that the Bible emphasizes family life, that is, in the:

B. Promises of the Bible concerning Families: It is a fact that many of the promises given in the Scriptures deal not just with individuals, but also with families. For instance, when the apostle Peter delivered his first gospel sermon at Pentecost, he proclaimed: "Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. For the promise is unto you,and to your children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall call." (Acts 2:38,39)

When Paul and Silas brought the Gospel message to their Philippian jailer, they said to him, "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house." Earlier on in the same chapter (vv.14,15) another family was saved – that of Lydia, a seller of a purple dye from Thyatira. The Lord opened her heart when the Apostle Paul preached the gospel, and she and her household (family) were baptized. Her house thus became the meeting place of the first church at Philippi.

By the way, it is because of the fact that the promise of God is extended to families and, that household baptisms are recorded in the NT, that we practise infant baptism in our church. We believe that baptism is a sign of the covenant that God has made with His people, a covenant to bless not just individuals alone, but their families as well. And our part in this covenant is to build up our families in godliness, to cultivate Christian homes.

III. The Principles for Christian Family Life

Having seen how prominent the family is in the Bible in the commands and promises related to the family, we now go on to learn the principles that must serve as the foundation or basis of the Christian family. Now these principles need to be practised and applied, and if you are really interested in knowing more about their practical application let me recommend this book for you to read: Formula for Family Unity – A practical guide of Christian Families by Walter and Trudy Fremont.

It deals with key family and marriage problems – How to love, communicate, submission, leadership, parental responsibilities, discipline of children, manage family finances. These authors conduct weekend family seminars in churches throughout the year.

Right now we are going to look at the two important principles that form the basis for building a godly Christian home: The first is that

A. Family Members Must be Committed One to Another 

This principle is given in 1 Timothy 5:8 – "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." Although this command is found in the context of providing for one’s aged parents or grandparents, we want to understand the general principle it teaches – the sense of obligation or better still, the commitment that should bind family members together.

In the Christian family, we must be firmly committed to one another, regardless of how we may feel about one another. Feelings change all the time. A wife may sometimes feel irritated by her husband’s untidy habits. A mother may sometimes feel upset with a child who is disobedient. Siblings sometimes quarrel with each other over toys and personal belongings, or exhibit ‘sibling rivalry’. If the quality of family life depended upon feelings, it would very soon end up in terrible jeopardy! But if there is commitmentbetween members of the family to one another, then family life would still remain strong and stedfast, despite any change of feelings.

This applies first of all to the marriage relationship. This is the relationship that undergirds the whole family. Father and mother’s undying commitment to one another are the pillars upon which the whole family rests. If that commitment were to be compromised, the very foundations of family life would be shaken. Let me therefore say this to all who are parents here: If you want to build a strong Christian family, then build up a firm commitment to your spouse, and let nothing ever compromise that commitment.

Commitment also applies to the parent-child relationship. Such commitment keeps a father from disowning or child or giving up on him, even when the child becomes rebellious and disobedient. We think of the many times that Israel rebelled against God, and roused His displeasure and wrath against them. And yet as their heavenly Father, God always remained steadfastly committed to the covenant He made with them!

It is also commitment that enables a Christian to persevere in taking care of an aged bedridden parent to the best of his ability. The tie that binds family members together is commitment. But there is a more important commitment than this. For even if all members in a family are deeply committed to one another, it would not be a Christian family without commitment to Christ. This brings us to the second principle that forms the basis of the Christian family.

B. Family Members Must Be Committed to the Lord 

A Christian family can be described as a family that has at least 3 characteristics: It is firstly a home where the father, mother, sons and daughters are all growing in their love and commitment to Christ. Secondly it is a home where all family members look to God for help whenever they have to deal with any problem or difficult situation in life. And thirdly it is a home where family members praise and thank God for His daily blessings.

But how can such a home be realized? It cannot come about without effort. Effort must be made tocultivate sincere love and commitment to God in every member of the home. In the passage of scripture that we read a while ago from Deuteronomy 11:16-19, we see some steps that Israel was commanded to take in order to maintain their commitment to God.

The first step is mentioned in v.16 – "Take heed to yourselves, that your heart be not deceived, and ye turn aside, and serve other gods, and worship them;" The Israelites were to be careful not to be deceived into idol worship, because the environment that they were going to have shortly, was an idolatrous one. The Canaanites worships many different gods and Israel was told to be careful to destroy all of them – every shrine, altar and idols had to be eradicated from their living environment.

The second step is mentioned in vv. 18,19 – "Therefore shall ye lay up these My words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes. And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up."

Here the Israelites were told to keep the Word of God well and impart it to their children. They were told to take the initiative to communicate the Word of God in their homes, whether it was at times when they were sitting down to eat with their family, or walking, lying down to rest or rising.

From these verses, we can derive two basic steps: The first step is to Provide a home environment that is conducive for cultivating commitment. Although there may be no idols or altars to other gods in our homes, we are going to see that there are many things in the home environment that can gravely affect our commitment to God. The second step is to Prepare to Lead in Family Devotions. We need to lay up God’s Word in our hearts and teach them to our children regularly and consistently. Let us begin with the first step:

1. Provide a Home Environment that Is Conducive for Cultivating commitment to the Lord 

The home environment very often turns out to be the most important influence in a person’s life. But unfortunately today, we are witnessing the invasion of the home environment by the world. The Christian home today faces powerful influences from the world. And we cannot close our eyes and pretend that these strong influences are not there.

Now, you may ask, ‘How do these influences get into our homes?’ Through the various media that are found in every household: The television, the radio, the internet, CD or cassette player, books, magazines, journals, newspapers, pictures and posters on the walls and even calendars. Now all of these can be very useful to us, and keep us informed about what is going on around us. We cannot afford to live in the world today without being informed through the various channels of media available to us. But if we are not careful about regulating what we allow these media to bring into our homes, then our home environment could very well influence our children to think, feel, speak and act the way the world does, instead of the way they should.

All our efforts at having cultivating godliness in our home would then be a waste of time and effort, because the world which comes right into our homes through all these media speaks to them with a louder voice. Christian homes must be guarded from becoming such an environment – so filled with the world thatGod is crowded out of them.

Dearly beloved, what kind of music pervades your homes from the radios, tapes and CDs players that you have? What kind of decorations and pin ups do you have on the walls of your home? What kind of books and magazines do you fill your bookshelves and magazine racks with? And what kind of television programmes get air time in your home environment? Remember that all of these will make a deeper impression on your children and even on yourself, than you think. As adult believers we should be able to discern between what is good and what is bad, but we need to understand that the mind of a child is like a sponge: it will soak in most of what it hears, sees and reads.

What then can we do about this? I would like to suggest three things we can do, in order to provide a home environment that is conducive for Family devotions: Firstly, carefully regulate what the media brings into your homes. Assess the songs that are played and the programs on TV; assess the reading material that are lying around the house: are they going to have a destructive influence? Choose only those songs and programs that will not teach the wrong kind of principles and values to your children. Be selective when you buy books, comics, magazines and even games for your children. Quickly review each one of them. Monitor the websites that get accessed on your home computer. Remove whatever pictures or reading material that communicate undesirable values and attitudes from your home. If you are not sure how to decide, just think: If Christ were to come into my home, what material would I want to remove?

Secondly, be ready to give your child the right perspective they should have on the world’s standards and values. Inevitably, you cannot stop all of the world’s influence from coming in some way or other. But you can teach your child to love what is good and to reject what is bad. How do you do this? You can do this by expressing your own comments and remarks on what they see, hear and read in the media. Indicate your approval or disapproval appropriately, but always immediately if you want to have the best impact.

Thirdly, fill your home with material that is educational and edifying, and that communicate the right attitudes and values. You can drown out the world’s influence in your home simply by increasing the output from good and enriching media. And if you want to do even better than that, then get Christian books, tapes, magazines, games, posters, and calendars for your home. Invite Christians to your home as guests. This will teach your children to prefer the company of believers. In all these things, your objective is to create a home environment that is conducive for cultivating real commitment to the Lord.

Having seen the first step we can now proceed to the second step which is to:

2. Prepare to Lead in Family Devotions 

Some may say, "We don’t have time for family devotions, and anyway our children can learn God’s Word when they go to Sunday School." Well it is true that God’s Word is powerful and effective when taught by any person. But a tremendous difference can be made in a child’s life by whom the child learns the Scripture from. A child is more likely to remember and regard principles and values when they are taught to him by his parents than when they are taught to him by his Sunday School teacher. To hear the same truths from the lips of one’s parents adds assurance, confidence and familiarity to the child in what he learns.

If you are a parent or plan to be parent, please remember this. You have an important duty to your children: The duty of inculcating moral and spiritual values in them, as well as healthy spiritual habits: Your children must learn from you how to love God and His Word, how to do basic things like giving thanks at mealtimes and at bedtime, and also how to do their quiet time. Remember that you are your child’s spiritial leader or mentor, seeking to bring them to faith in Jesus Christ. And one of your duties as a Christian parent is to have regular family devotions.

Now, those who have not had family devotions before, like newly wed couples or new parents many may not know exactly how to have a family devotion, I have provided some guidelines. There are books you can read, like one that is available in our bookroom called "Every Home a Godly Home". This book also provides resources for Family devotions like hymns and choruses, and memory verses. If you want a book that provides readings that are suitable for use in family worship, I recommend that you get the book called"Building Firm Foundations" This has 90 readings and is also available at our Bookroom.

Dearly beloved, we have seen today that God expects us to regard the family with the same high regard that He has for it. And because of this, we must strengthen our commitment to the rest of the family, and most of all to strengthen our commitment to the Lord. To do this we ought to provide a home environment that is conducive to building that commitment, and prepare to lead in family devotions.

And finally, when we have done all that we possibly can, we still need to commit our family to the Lord’s hands, and pray that He will guide all our family members in the right direction. Let us be faithful to do our part then, while we trust in the Lord to do His part.

Family Devotions

Some Practical Considerations: (from Dr. SH Tow)

    1. Find a Place: Your sitting lounge or some convenient place.
    2. Find a time: "No Time" is no good excuse! (e.g. before dinner or just before chilctren’s bed-time.)
    3. Find a Leader: Father, mother, or some mature leader.
    4. Find a Song: Be a singing Christian, not a sinning Christian!
    5. Read a Bible Passage:Read together a portion of God’s Word. Use RPG or some daily Guide. Apply the portion of God’s Word to some situation in life.
    6. Pray together: God hears and answers prayer. "Men ought always to pray and not to faint"(Luke 18:1). Seek God’s blessings for the family, for the church, for friends and loved ones.
    7. Enjoy fellowship. As believers, we have fellowship one with another, and with God the Father, and with His Son Jesus Christ (1 John 1:3). What a blessed fellowship!

 

Some Advice:

    • Do not be too ambitious. This is not a formal full-scale worship service. 10 minutes is quite good. Remember that we want to train our children to love worshipping God, not to dread it. Don’t make elaborate plans.
    • Don’t hurry. Everyone is bound to be busy and wanting to hurry off for something: to do housework, homework, to get really for a meeting or appointment. It is more important to have Quality time than just to get over with the family worship time.
    • Remove all distractions so that there will be full attention: Turn off the TV or sound system. Put away toys. Leave phone off the hook. No one should leave unless there is a good reason. No one should be talking or whispering to one another.
    • Variety is important.On some days spend more time on Bible reading than on other things. On other days spend more time singing, or praying. Do whatever your children will be interested in doing. Sing songs that are familiar to your children – e.g. short choruses.
    • Get everyone to participate. Eg. Prayer time - assign items to each member of the family. Encourage children to ask questions and to tell how they feel about God, about church and Sunday School. If someone in the family can play the piano or guitar, encourage him to provide some music for singing.
    • Use the Question and Answer Method to Teach. E.g. using the booklet "Questions and Answers on Eternal life" printed by our church. Do one question a day. Read through the answer the first time round and explain the meaning. The next time, just ask the question and get the child to answer. Give each child a turn to answer the question.

For older children you can do the Shorter Catechism. Some memorization projects: Books of OT, Books of NT, 10 commandments, Lord’s Prayer. verses: John 3:16, John 14:6, Psalm 23.

Recommended For Reading:

1. Walter and Trudy Fremont, Formula for Family Unity – A Practical Guide for Christian Families, BJU press, 1980

2. S.H. Tow, Every Home a Godly Home, Tabernacle Books, Singapore.

3. S.H. Tow, Building Firm Foundations, Banner Publication, Singapore.

The Abundant Life for Single Adults

By Rev Charles Seet

Text: 1 Corinthians 7:25-35

I. The Abundant Life

A. It results from the Good Shepherd’s care of his sheep.

What is the Abundant Life? It is taken from John 10:10 – “I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” These wonderful words were spoken by our Lord Jesus when he described Himself as the Good Shepherd, caring for His sheep. And in the context, this verse is actually set forth as a contrast between the thief and the good shepherd. The thief comes only to steal, to kill and to destroy. I.e. the false teachers and false Christs have evil motives – to take advantage of the sheep, use them for their own ends, and make their life miserable with heavy burdens. But Jesus does just the opposite for His sheep. He came to save them, to bless them and to give them life, and not just life, but abundant life! 

B. The abundance is in quality, not quantity

Now when we speak of the abundant life, we are not talking about quantitative abundance, for that would mean longer life. Of course we know that Jesus gives us eternal life. By means of His death on the cross for us, He has given us life eternal. But eternal life would not be worthwhile if we are going to be miserable throughout eternity. What we need is quality rather than quantity.

So what Christ was talking about in this verse is qualititative abundance: Life that is not empty but filled with fullness, life that is not futile but fulfilling, life that is meaningful, joyful and satisfying. It is interesting to note that the same idea is found in another passage on the good shepherd – the one that is found in Psalm 23. When David was speaking about all the benefits the sheep receive from the good shepherd, he said, “Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.” (Psalm 23:5) The image of the abundant life is portrayed in the last line: “my cup runneth over” which means ‘my cup overflows.’ The cup represents the care and provisions of God and the overflowing means that God’s children receive the best of life’s benefits.

C. It does not depend on our outward circumstances

And these qualities are true of the abundant life regardless of one’s outward circumstances: A person may be rich or poor and still have the abundant life. A person may be young or old and still have the abundant life. A person may be in suffering great pain or in the pink of health and still have the abundant life. And a person may be married or single and still be blessed with the abundant life.

This is because the abundant life is not measured in the amount of wealth or health a person has, nor in the standard of living one can afford, nor in the popularity or power one can garner for oneself. We know this because King Solomon who wrote the book of Ecclesiastes described the pursuit of all these things as vanity and vexation of spirit.

D. It is measured in the extent of Christ’s involvement in one’s life

How do we measure the abundant life? I would like to suggest that the answer to this is found in what the apostle wrote in the book of Philippians: Let me read some of these verses to you – Philippians 1:21 – “For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” 3:8 – “Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,” 4:4 – “Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say, Rejoice.” 4:13 – “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” Can you see what terms the apostle Paul used to measure the abundant life? It is in the deep-seated joy that Christ gives to our hearts, the empowerment He gives to live for Him, and the intimate knowledge of Christ, and the development of Christlikeness in our life. Jesus Christ lived the most perfect and abundant life anyone ever lived. Therefore when our lives are fully conformed to His, we will experience the abundant life.

To live abundantly therefore means to live for Christ and with Christ, a life that derives all its joy, power and love from the Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore the abundant life is measured in terms of the involvement of Christ in our life. This is the Bible’s definition of a life that is truly blessed and fulfilled.

Are you experiencing the abundant life? I trust that we will all seek to have this abundant life. And all of us can have it as long as we have Christ. So let us now proceed to talk about our main topic: The Abundant Life for Single Adults.

II. The Bible’s View of Singlehood

A. It is God’s perfect will for some to be Single

A single adult is an adult person who is either not married, or who was married before but has lost his or her spouse. The Bible has examples of both. One outstanding single adult in the Old Testament was Jeremiah. It was God’s will for him to remain single all of his life (Jeremiah 16:1,2), and one of the reasons in his case was to spare him of the grief and sorrow of seeing loved ones suffering in the time destruction and captivity. In 1 Corinthians 7, God’s Word tells us that singlehood is as much a gift of God as marriage is. Paul said, “…every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.” (v.7) The apostle Paul himself was an outstanding single adult (as he says in vv.7,8), and yet he was happy and contented in his singlehood (Philippians 4:11). Hence from all of these verses we can see that singlehood is portrayed in the Bible in a positive light.

B. Some may have special needs for ministry

1. Widows and Widowers

In Bible times, one group of single adults that had special needs was the widows. They were often in difficult straits, because of the social customs of that time. Hence their needs were given special attention. According to Psalm 68:5, God is a “A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows,” According to James 1:27, “Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.” Now, while widows are economically much better off today than in Bible times, they still have needs for ministry. Men who lose their wives are often more greatly affected than women who lose their husbands. They too need help.

2. Those who need friends

Beside widows there are other singles today that also have special needs. In one survey taken of single adults, in which they were asked about their frustrations, the majority chose their greatest frustration to be“being left out” or “not being included, especially in couples or family events.” The second greatest frustration was finances, and the third was the finding of meaningful and rewarding friendships.

This is perhaps one reason why many singles today spend much time in internet chat rooms and phone lines to meet new people. But this sometimes has disastrous results because there are some evil people who use this to victimize others. It is good for you who are single adults to cultivate good friendships, but please be selective about where you choose to find friends. The best place to develop quality friendships is with likeminded believers. Hence a fellowship group is one good place for you to begin cultivating friendships.

The Bible has some examples of good friendships between believers of the same mind: E.g. Naomi and Ruth, David and Jonathan, Elijah and Elisha, Paul and Timothy. Besides widows and those who are in need in friends, another special need of single adults is that of:

3. Those who seek marriage

Some desire to be married and settle down, but somehow cannot find the right person to marry. And if they are unable to face this problem well, they might become frustrated and even bitter against God and society. Some may even feel that the church should provide a match-making facility like what the SDU is doing to meet their needs.

But matters of the heart and personal preferences are sensitive issues that are best left to the outworking of God’s sovereign providence in each person’s life. We want to avoid a situation where people come to church for the primary purpose of finding a life-partner, just because it has this facility. Let us remember that the primary responsibility of the church to single adults is to provide the ministry of the Word and of prayer for them, especially to prepare them with all the biblical principles they will need to have a good Christian marriage and build a godly home, if they should one day marry. E.g. They need to know the Bible’s prohibition against unequally yoked marriage, and divorce.

I believe that the church is also responsible to some extent, to provide some opportunities for good social interaction and fellowship among single adults, in the form of camps, retreats, fellowship group meetings, and service which involves teamwork. This will meet help single adults who want to find friends, and it will also help those who are seeking for a life-partner. Do you know that many of our happily married couples in church met one another while they were actively serving together in Sunday School or in a fellowship group?

I met my wife when I was involved in an outreach of our church in Johor Bahru in 1985. She was from the Chinese service and I was from the English service, and we would never have met if both of us had not been serving the Lord. Thus it was God who brought us together. The story of the Book of Ruth demonstrates to us that the Lord is still our best match-maker. Therefore if you are a single adult, and trusting the Lord to lead you to the right person, take this advice: “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33)

C. All Should Strive to Live for Christ

But there is one thing that the church must definitely do for all its single adults: and that is to instruct and encourage them to live the abundant and victorious Christian life whether or not they choose to remain single or to get married to someone. If a Christian is not living fully satisfied with Christ, then he or she is not prepared for life at all, whether as a single adult nor as a spouse. And this is what we want to focus our attention on for the rest of this message: The abundant life, the Christ-centred life for single adults. Here are a few guidelines on abundant living for single adults:

1. Learn the secret of single living: Not self-sufficiency, but sufficiency in Christ.

Some popular self-improvement books on the market today teach that people should have a good sense of his own worth or what they call, self-esteem. They claim that successful living comes from building your self-confidence and self-sufficiency, and then going on to fulfill your life ambitions and dreams. They tell you to live up to your fullest potential, and some would even teach some breathing and meditation techniques that help you to get in touch with your ‘inner self’ in order to tap the powerful resources that are supposedly found there. Is this what you need for single living?

No, not according to the Scriptures. By the way, you must be careful of these teachings of self-worth and realizing your full potential, because much of this is coming now from the New Age movement, which is an end-time Satanic deception. The Scriptures, do not teach self-confidence or self-sufficiency, but confidence and sufficiency in Christ alone.

Single adults would do well to follow what the apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 4:11 – “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.” Paul had learnt to be content with whatever he had. He found that he could be contented with much, and he could also be contented with little. And Paul himself would also never be able to be content on his own strength or willpower. Actually he needed help in order to be content. The contentment that he mentioned here came through Jesus Christ, as he says in v.13 – “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” It was through Jesus Christ alone that he coped very well with any situation he faced as a single adult - whether it was poverty or prosperity.

And since Paul was a single adult he becomes an example for all single adults to follow. Learn how to find your sufficiency in Christ, learn to be content with whatever state you find yourself in so that you will know how to abound and how to be abased. Keep on telling yourself: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

2. Regard your singlehood as an opportunity to discover and become all that God wants you to be.

Singlehood affords the best season for unhindered personal growth and development. And as a Christian single adult, your mission in life should be to do all that God wants you to do and be all that God wants you to be. And if you want to discover what all these are, learn to discern or prove what is God’s will for you, at each step of His plan for your life. Spend time with the Lord in prayer and His word, seek counsel and advice from mature Christians, consider your own circumstances, and read books by good Christian writers.

Ask the Lord to show you what gifts and skills He wants you to develop and how He wants you to develop them. Attend workshops and seminars that help you to develop the skills you need. Then find opportunities to utilize your God-given abilities. For example, if you have administrative gifts and relate well with people, you can be a real asset to any committee. If your strength is in teaching, you can learn how to lead a Bible study group – begin by being a co-teacher.

Use the opportunity of singlehood also to get rid of things in your life that are sinful or unedifying. E.g. some bad habits, or traits. If you look at yourself and find that you have some faults and unpleasant personality problems, don’t be discouraged. Remember: The Lord is still working in your life and is not yet finished with you. Philippians 2:12,13 tells us that God will work in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure, as you yourself work out your salvation with fear and trembling.

3. Cultivate self-discipline with your use of time, talents and treasures.

Do not become what people call a ‘swinging single’ – living without any real direction in life, and just trying out whatever comes along. I have known some single adults who do not like to commit themselves permanently to anything. They just want to be a free spirit, flitting from one thing to another, changing jobs, traveling around the world, going on wild adventures. You know, this kind of life may look quite attractive for single adults but it accomplishes nothing, and only leads to regrets later on.

Remember that as a Christian single adult, you are still accountable to God for your use of time and talents. Maximise all of these things for God’s Kingdom. In order to exercise good stewardship, you need to set specific goals for yourself. Then aim for it and cultivate self-discipline to work towards it. In Philippians 3:13 the apostle Paul said “…this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus”. In other words, live for a good purpose and keep yourself firmly to it.

I used to know a friend who was single, and he would get very excited about something, start on it, but after that, did not have staying power to continue on with it. Learn how to be dependable, to be someone that others can rely on. Paul said “But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection…” (1 Corinthians 9:27). Ask the Lord to make you a disciplined and dependable channel of blessing to others, someone who will not be easily discouraged when problems and difficulties arise.

4. Make as significant a contribution as you can, to the Lord’s work, whenever there is opportunity.

E.g. If you are good at using a computer to do presentations, you can offer to teach others how to make good presentations for teaching a Bible lesson. If you are a skilled in accountancy, offer to conduct a small course for those who can learn how to set up a fellowship or church accounts. If you are a good writer, conduct a course on how to write good articles for reporting on the Lord’s work. If you are a doctor or nurse you can go on short medical mission trips overseas to facilitate gospel outreachThere are many ministries that you can serve well in: Publication of bulletins, maintaining the bulletin board, and sourcing material for Vacation Bible School.

The possibilities available for Christian singles are endless, if you will only look for them and be sensitive to the Lord’s guidance, wherever He places you. Make it a point to pray, “Lord, here I am, You have placed me here. Please use me to the full. Maximise my potential. Show me how I can use the gifts You have given me to bless the lives of those around me. Lord, I want to leave this place in a different state from the time when I first came into it.”

Single adults have the potential to become responsible spiritual leaders who are committed to serving God and the needs of the church. Singlehood affords some very unique opportunities that others do not have:

a. More time to invest

Many single adults have plenty of time on their hands, and do not know what to do with it. In fact some live with the illusion that they have limitless time. But unfortunately today, many of them choose to invest most of it in their own careers.

A typical young urban professional (or “yuppie”) becomes a workaholic working longer hours, pursuing more contacts or leads, making more sales presentations, and doing more billings than his married counterpart. And because of the high level of dedication that he is well capable of, he is rewarded well with a raise, a bonus and quick promotion up the corporate ladder.

Listen: If you have time on your hands, there is something much better for you than this: God has great work for you to invest your time in, and He will use your time well – to produce results that will endure for eternity!

b. More mobility

Many single adults are able to travel more easily and widely than others, and for that reason, can easily root and uproot themselves than those who have families. Some of our church missionaries are single. And they are doing a fine work in their mission fields.

In many of our mission trips a good number of those who went were single adults. And they are able to do a lot to encourage missionaries. Do you know that single ladies have been the power of the worldwide missionary force? According to missiologists, single women have been among the finest missionaries in the world. Despite the handicaps in which they live, they serve the Lord well. They are well-integrated personalities and adjust readily to new circumstances and situations. They are often cheerful, conscientious, hard-working and co-operative. They are free from the duties of housework and motherhood and can spend more time with people they minister to, especially women and children.

It is interesting to note that those missions that work in the more primitive fields where both life and work are hard usually have a higher than average ratio of women to men. In some missions they outnumber men two and three to one. Much pioneer missionary work is actually being done by single women. They do it cheerfully and ask no questions.

4. Develop meaningful relationships with other single adults.

Make yourself accountable to someone, e.g. a mentor or a prayer partner. This will help you to keep yourself focused on your ministry, your goals and objectives. I used to have a prayer partner when I was a student. Without fail we would meet every morning before classes began to pray for one another and for Singapore. We would share our joys and our sorrows. These relationships can also take the form of discipleship. Take a young Christian under your wing – be a mentor to him, build him up, watch him grow and encourage him to do the same for someone else. I was able to do that before, when I was single. Discipleship requires much concentrated time, effort and prayer.

May the Lord bless the single adults in our church and use them mightily for His glory.

Recipe for a Godly Home

By Rev Charles Seet
(Preached at Life BPC, 10.30am service, 11 May 2003)

Text: Colossians 3:16-21

As today is Mother’s Day I think it would appropriate for us to meditate on what the Bible says about the home. Hence, the topic for our message this morning is “Recipe for a Godly Home.” God wants us to build godly homes for Him because our family life is important to Him. This can be seen in the way that God dealt with families in the Bible. When God called Abraham to go to the Land of Promise, he included the promise that “in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.” (Genesis 12:3) When the Gospel of Christ was preached by Paul at Philippi, it brought not just individuals to salvation, but their families as well. This was the case with a woman named Lydia, and with the Philippian jailer (Acts 16:15,33). And when God gave instructions to His people in His Word on how they should live, He included instructions on their family life as well. All these go to show us that God has a claim upon your home. He wants you to make your home agodly home. But you need the right ingredients to do this. What are the ingredients that must be used to build a godly home?

I. Jesus Christ must be the Head of the Home

The first ingredient is found in Colossians 3:16,17 – “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.”

You will notice that Jesus is mentioned no less than 3 times in these two verses. This indicates His pre-eminence within the church. His Word must dwell in every heart; His praise should sound from everyone’s lips, and His Name should be honoured by everyone’s works! But this also applies to the home, since each Christian family is a subunit of the family of God which is the church. The Lord is therefore the most important member of the home. Even though He may not be visible, He must be given the greatest honour and respect by all in the home. In some Christian homes, you may find a plaque that reads, “Christ is the Head of this House, the Unseen Guest at every meal, and the Silent Listener to every conversation.” And He must be loved more than anyone else, even more than one’s spouse, one’s children or one’s parents. It is this common love that all family members have for God that binds them all together. It is the mainstay or backbone of the family. And if the ideal situation is achieved, where all members of the family are equally and fully committed to the Lord, then that love becomes the strongest force that can bind the family and keep it from disintegrating despite any trial or crisis.

But how can such a home be realized? It will not come about without effort. Efforts must be made tocultivate the knowledge of God and love for God in every member of the home. A godly home cannot be built and maintained without this. This is why you need to do what v.16 says, “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom…” The Word of God must be read, taught and studied not only in church, but even at home. And this is not only to be done individually, when each family member has his or her own quiet time with God, but also together as a family.

Unfortunately this important principle of family religion is being neglected in many Christian homes today, even in the families of our own church. Everyone is so busy, that many families today do not even sit down to have a meal together. Either they come back home at different times, or they quickly heat up a meal and plunge themselves in front of the TV, hoping to catch their meal as well as the evening news or a favourite prime time TV show. And as they watch TV there is hardly any communication with each other. And the only time when there is any kind of meaningful conversation is when father or mother sits the child down to get him to do his school homework! The typical Singaporean family does not spend time together anymore. Parents are often too busy, and when they do have time, they are too tired from a hectic working day to communicate well.

What is the result of this on Christian homes? The result is that the spiritual nurture of the children is left to be done by the Sunday School or Vacation Bible School. And if children receive all their spiritual knowledge and values from sources outside the home, rather than in the home itself, then they may tend to dissociatespiritual things from the home environment. Such dissociation is unhealthy, and will certainly not help to build a godly home. Let us therefore make time to bring the teaching of God’s Word right into our own homes. How wonderful it is to have a home where family members take delight in opening the scriptures together and talking about the things of God in moments of family devotions!

Thus we have seen that the first and most important ingredient in the recipe for a godly home is that Jesus must be the head of the home, and that His Word must dwell richly within the whole family. We come now to the second ingredient, which is found in v.18:

II. The Wife Should Submit to Her Husband

v.18 – “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” Wifely submission is not a very popular concept in the world today. Some would even consider the idea offensive, old fashioned and even unjust. But every Christian wife is commanded in the scriptures to submit to her husband. There are some today who do not think that this command, and even the biblical model for marriage should be taken seriously anymore, especially with regard to the husband’s leadership role. They claim that this model for marriage was actually the outcome of the male-dominated society that existed in Bible times, and it is therefore just a cultural phenomenon. Times have now changed. Men and women are equal in all aspects.

Hence they believe that the leadership role in the family should not be restricted to the husband any more. And they say that those who keep on insisting that leadership in the home belongs to the men, are too old-fashioned and outdated. The way to settle this issue is to ask: Is the biblical role of the husband merely atemporary cultural phenomenon, or is it based on something more than that? To find the answer, let us read 1 Corinthians 11:3 – “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” In this verse, Paul argues for the man’s headship. He does it by comparing it with two other headships: the headship of Christ over man, and the headship of God the Father over Christ. These two headships will never change, because they are not cultural, butessential.

This implies that the headship of the man in the family is also not cultural but essential. It applies to marriage in every age – ancient times as well as modern times. It is the God-given order for marriage, and it is sinful to go against it. This does not mean that wives are considered to be inferior in the Bible. Before God, husbands and wives stand on the same footing, as 1 Peter 3:7 says that they are “heirs together of the grace of life.” 

Moreover, it is significant that in 1 Cor 11:3 the headship of husband over the wife should be compared with the headship of God the Father over God the Son. We know that the distinction of the roles of the three Persons within the Godhead does not in anyway diminish the deity or importance of any one of them. Therefore when wives submit to the headship of their husbands, this submision does not diminish their personal standing and importance before God.

But the questioned that we should ask is: What kind of submission is this? Does it mean that a wife must give up all her initiative and creativity? Not at all. In fact a wife can be very creative and have much initiative within her submissive role, like the ‘virtuous woman’ in Proverbs 31:10-31. The Christian wife is to submit lovingly and willingly to her husband, in the same way that she would submit to the Lord Jesus Christ.

The Christian wife must always recognize the fact that God has given her husband the role of leadership in the marriage, and she should never attempt to usurp this role. And the husband must not tempt his wife to usurp his role by neglecting his leadership role, leaving a leadership vacuum in the home that has to be filled. In many homes abdicating husbands are to be blamed for the disruption of the God-given order of leadership. And husbands must always exercise their leadership role not in a forceful or tyranical manner, but with love. This is the next ingredient in the recipe for a godly home that we want to consider:

III. The Husband Should Love His Wife

This ingredient is mentioned in v.19 – “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” On their wedding day, all husbands will most gladly say “I will” to this requirement, especially when they see their bride all dressed in a beautiful wedding gown smiling demurely at them. But when the initial excitement of the wedding is over, and the routine of living together sets in, all the faults and weaknesses of each person’s character will become apparent. Then, the feelings of love may change into feelings of bitterness. It is against this that the Word of God here says to husbands, “love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”

This love must be characterised by commitment. In Christian marriage, love means being firmly committedto one another, regardless of how one may feel about the other. Little irritations and strange habits may change the way that one feels about the other. The husband may feel irritated that his wife is not as punctual as he would like her to be, and the wife may feel irritated that her husband is not as neat and tidy as she would like him to be. I once read a story of how a couple argued on how a toilet roll should be placed on the holder - one prefers the paper to roll off in front, the other prefers the paper to roll off behind. Dearly beloved, feelings may change with time. But if there is commitment, then your love for each other would still remain strong and steadfast, despite any change of feelings.

Besides Commitment there must also be an element of Constructiveness in a husband’s love doe his wife. Let those who are husbands here realize that you ought to do everything you can to be a constructive influence in the life of your wife, to build her up, being sensitive to her many needs – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. There is one way to know that you really love your wife: When meeting her personal needs becomes as important to you as meeting your own personal needs.

When God created the first woman and brought her to Adam, the first thing that he said was, “This is nowbone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”This is because Eve was made from Adam’s rib. Every husband should think of his wife like this. She is the bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh. She has become a part of himself, and he must therefore take very good care of her. Let all of us who are husbands therefore not fail to keep this commandment that God has given to us in v.19, “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” Now that we have seen the first three ingredients for a godly home we come to the last two ingredients, which deal with the relationship of parents and children.

IV. Children Should Obey Their Parents

V.20 – “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.” This command to children is so important that God made it one of the Ten Commandments. I think we all know about the Fifth commandment which says, “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.” (Exodus 20:12)

In the New Testament, the importance of the fifth commandment can be seen in the obedience of Jesus to Mary and Joseph. According to Luke 2:51, Jesus as a child was subject unto His earthly parents. In the Old Testament we have the example of Isaac which is described in Genesis 22:8-9 -  “And Abraham said, My son, God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt offering: so they went both of them together. And they came to the place which God had told him of; and Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood” The obedience of Isaac in this instance enabled his father to obey God’s instructions. Isaac was already old enough to have refused to be bound and placed on the altar. But he chose to honour his father with his obedience. He also shared his father’s faith that God would provide a sacrifice. And God blessed Isaac as he grew up to inherit all the precious promises that God had made to his father.

Children who obey their parents like this will also be blessed in another way. They will grow up to understand obedience to authority, and obedience to God. They will not become rebellious, trouble-making misfits, but good law-abiding citizens. This helps them to live a life of tranquillity that would tend to prolong their life. This is why the fifth commandment is accompanied with a promise of long life.

Now, if children are left to themselves without any instruction on the fifth commandment, they will not naturally develop such obedience to their parents. They need to be taught to obey them. They need to be encouraged and at times even disciplined to submit to parental authority. And it is the responsibility of parents to do these things. This brings us now to look at the parents’ role toward their children.

V. Parents Should Love and Nurture their Children

v.21 – “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” The same command is found in Ephesians 6:4 but with something extra added to it – “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Although only the fathers are addressed here, it is understood that mothers are also involved in the care and upbringing of the children. In fact mothers are usually the ones who are left to provide the children with the care and nurture they need. Many fathers are so busy with their work and so tired when they come home, that they hardly spend any quality time with their children. When the children come to them for help or just for companionship, they scold the children for bothering them. When the children make a little too much noise, they scold the children for disturbing their rest. Such treatment will only discourage their children from getting close to their fathers, and worse still, it will provoke them to anger – anger that their father does not love them or care for them.

God wants those of you here who are fathers to take your parenting role seriously. Together with your wife, you should regard your children as God’s precious gifts that are entrusted to your care. And you must do your best to love them and nurture them well, to build them up for God. One good example in the Bible of a good father is Abraham. God gave him a son in his old age that was named Isaac. Abraham loved Isaac and provided for his son’s needs – even to the extent of finding a suitable wife for him. He taught Isaac all that he knew about God and His covenant with them. That’s how Isaac later on knew enough to continue in the same covenant relationship with God that Abraham had enjoyed.

Imagine what would have happened if Abraham had been too busy (like many fathers today) to spend time with his son – the line of redemption would have come to an early end!

As a loving father, Abraham probably took the young boy Isaac with him whenever he went out to tend to his flocks. He would talk with him about God, and he would answer whatever questions his inquisitive son would ask him. His son would also be there with him when he worshipped God in the offering of animal sacrifices. Abraham made sure that his son knew every detail about the whole procedure – how to bind the lamb, cut it and lay it on the altar with the firewood, and then calling upon the Lord in prayer. And Isaac later knew the whole procedure so well that when they went to Mt Moriah he observed that his aged father had forgotten the most important item for the sacrifice – the lamb! And Abraham replied that God would provide one for Himself, which was actually fulfilled.

And when Isaac realized on the mount that he was the sacrificial lamb, his response revealed the very strong bond he enjoyed with his father. Although he was probably able to outrun his hundred year old Dad quite easily, he chose to submit himself to him without any struggle or resistance. As Abraham commanded him, “Isaac my son, go up on to the altar and lie down there” Isaac willingly gave his life to his father to be used as a sacrifice to God.

That event on mount Moriah did not only reveal Abraham’s obedience to God. It also revealed Abraham’ssuccess as a parent. Here was a father who, as God had said, would “command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment” (Genesis 18:19). Abraham had successfully taught Isaac how to obey the Lord, and Isaac knew that he must obey God, even if it had to cost him his life.

Abraham had taken such great care in building up Isaac for God, loving him, teaching him, and providing for his needs, because Isaac was God’s precious gift to him. And that is the way that we who are parents ought to regard our children – They are God’s precious gifts to us.

Another child in the Bible who was also a precious gift from God was Samuel, the son of Hannah. While Abraham serves as a pattern for fathers in this aspect, Hannah serves as a pattern for all mothers. Like Abraham, Hannah initially had no children to build up for the Lord, but after her fervent prayers, the Lord graciously gave her a boy named Samuel.  Like Abraham, Hannah was willing to give her son to the Lord. In fact she gave him the best care a mother at that time could give to her son until he was old enough to serve the Lord at the Tabernacle.

From looking at the life of Abraham and of Hannah we learn that we should not look upon children as heavyburdens that we are responsible to bear, but as precious lives have been entrusted to our care for a time. Psalm 127:3 – “Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is His reward.” They are given for us to build, to mould, and to train them well. Let us build a strong bond of trust with each child we have, and carefully teach them to love the Lord.

As we conclude our message on ‘Recipe for a Godly Home’ let us summarise the five ingredients that we need – The first and most important ingredient we need is to have Jesus Christ as the Head of the Home. Secondly, The wife should fulfill her role of loving submission toward her Husband. Thirdly, the husband should love his wife. Fourthly, the children should obey their parents, and lastly, parents should love and nurture their children.

Now that you have found all the ingredients for a godly home, please use them well to build your own homes into godly homes. Some of you may say, “It is not easy for me to do this. You don’t know what my husband is like, or You don’t know what my wife is life. You don’t know what my children are like.” Dearly beloved, the first person to change is yourself. As you change your attitude and conduct at home, and earnestly ask God to work in your family, the rest of the family members will gradually change as well. Share what you have learned today with them and encourage them to follow these principles. Don’t give up hope when you face difficulties in building a godly home. And most of all, trust God to help you to overcome all the obstacles.

  1. Recipe For A Godly And Successful Marriage (2)
  2. Recipe For A Godly And Successful Marriage
  3. Promises to Live By: To Mothers, A Message of Comfort
  4. Promises to Live By: To Fathers, A Message of Love

Subcategories

Gospel in Dialect

Do you face a language barrier when trying to witness for Christ to dialect-speaking relatives? Or do you need to polish up your Mandarin in order to share the Gospel with your Mandarin-speaking friends? This Gospel toolkit will help you to learn how to share the Gospel in Mandarin, Cantonese, Hokkien and Teochew.

There are 15 lessons covering the various topics in gospel presentation. Each lesson consists of a set of phrases, written in English, Chinese characters and Hanyu Pinyin.

To hear the proper pronunciation of the phrase, click on the respective plugin associated with each phrase. When the phrase is read for you, you should repeat it aloud. You can keep on playing back the phrase and repeating it aloud until you have mastered the phrase. Then go on to the next phrase in the lesson.

As you learn to speak new phrases, keep on reviewing the ones that you have learnt. Finally, test yourself to see if you can say the following in Mandarin / dialect aloud: 

Family

Introduction

Why a family resource page?  It has been often said that the family is the most important institution in the nation.  But never has this sentiment been as greatly emphasized in our history as a nation than now in recent times.  Indeed, the family is the most important institution because it is the first environment to which every person is exposed; it is the primary influence of a person, especially in his early formative years.  And failure of the family to influence and mould the child positively has contributed to the moral and ethical breakdown of societies.  Even the expert opinions of sociologists and psychologists point to the truth of this statement.  Counselors and mental health workers increasingly have to rely on Family Therapy to deal with the problems of the clients, seeing as how many adult conflicts and problems are actually conflicts and problems not resolved in youth within the family.  Of course, it is not surprising to find such delinquency and immaturity in the world.  And sadly, it is not surprising to find such worldliness and worldly problems in the church, as families capitulate their God-given rights.  More than ever, there is need for a family resource page, where families can be encouraged and taught to raise up Godly homes and to revive the Covenant family.  

And one of the main emphases of this resource page is on the subject and discipline of Family Worship.  According to the Westminster Directory of Family Worship, we are told that “BESIDES the publick worship in congregations, mercifully established in this land in great purity, it is expedient and necessary that secret worship of each person alone, and private worship of families, be pressed and set up; that, with national reformation, the profession and power of godliness, both personal and domestick, be advanced.”  Herein, it is suggested that national and ecclesiastical revival finds its genesis in the home.  And this is biblical. 

The theological foundations of family worship is in Deuteronomy 4:9,10 where believers are told to “keep thy soul diligently…[and to]…teach them thy sons, and thy sons’ sons when the Lord said unto me, Gather me the people together, and I will make them hear my words, that they may learn to fear me all the days that they shall live upon the earth, and that they may teach their children.” 

It is also in Deuteronomy 6:4-7 where the words which God had commanded believers should be taught diligently to their children, that they should “talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”  The chief Christian educators of our children are their parents, who have been given this sacred duty.

Psalm 78:2-7 also teaches this, especially when it says regarding the law “which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children: that the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born, who should arise and declare them to their children: that they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments.” 

According to Dr Joel Beeke, “Every church desires growth. Surprisingly few churches, however, seek to promote internal church growth by stressing the need to raise children in covenantal truth. Few seriously grapple with why many adolescents become nominal members with mere notional faith or abandon evangelical truth for unbiblical doctrine and modes of worship. I believe one major reason for this failure is the lack of stress upon family worship. In many churches and homes family worship is an optional thing, or at most a superficial exercise such as a brief table grace before meals. Consequently, many children grow up with no experience or impression of Christian faith and worship as a daily reality.”

“Would we see revival among our children? Let us remember that God often uses the restoration of family worship to usher in church revival. For example, the 1677 church covenant of the Puritan congregation in Dorchester, Massachusetts, included the commitment ‘to reform our families, engaging ourselves to a conscientious care to set before us and to maintain the worship of God in them; and to walk in our houses with perfect hearts in a faithful discharge of all domestic duties, educating, instructing, and charging our children and households to keep the ways of the Lord.’”

Douglas Kelly says that “Family religion, which depends not a little on the household head daily leading the family before God in worship, is one of the most powerful structures that the covenant-keeping God has given for the expansion of redemption through the generations, so that countless multitudes may be brought into communion with and worship” of God. 

So may these resources help all Lifers to build up their families in the fear and admonition of the Lord; that Family Worship would not be an optional exercise but a time of day and activity well-sought after by Godly parents and children.  Amen.

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